As I stare at June 29th on the calendar, I suddenly find my self wondering…
How have I been transparent with others this month?
Have I unintentionally put on a mask and misled others about my reality?
The answer is both yes and no.
I suppose that is because I’ve learned to wear my heart on my sleeve with discretion. My close friends know the struggle. I let them into the story and allow them to empathize with the pain. They offer their prayer-filled words of encouragement and I find in their eyes the love of Jesus to fill my soul with food.
So, yes, I’ve been real.
Just not publicly about the deep, deep stuff.
Maybe that is because those messy parts of my life no longer need to be validated by others. I’m not looking for answers, understanding, or words of affirmation. I know the masses can’t give me what only the Savior offers, so I choose to keep a certain part of my life off the global radar, even though the authentic cry of my heart wants to speak boldly about reality.
But there are other things I can be real with you about today.
Like the fact that I struggle with feeling like life is simply too much at times. There are too many needs, too many options, too many expectations, too many ideas. Between my visionary wiring and the reality of life in this century, I feel bombarded by all that life holds.
My world often feels like an amusement park jammed packed with sweaty bodies on a summer’s day. Yuck. I’d much rather drift off in our kayak to the middle of the ocean, far away from people, technology, sin, and despair. But the reality, of course, is that me and Big Red would eventually find ourselves lonely and directionless.
So where is the balance?
That is the question I’ve been pounding hard after God with each morning this month. How can we live in this world, but not of it? How can we use technology, but not be slave to it? How can we respond to the needs around us, without feeling burdened by them? How can we invest our hearts and time toward those we love, without feeling like we don’t have enough to go around?
What raised these questions?
A long-awaited trip to Disney, in which I spent ten solid days away from all things work and ministry. I entered the vacation determined to have a good attitude, marked by gratitude, and to be super grace-filled with everyone. God was faithful and enabled me to be the mom-wife-sister-gal I had hoped to be. He also pricked my heart to show me much my littlest girl needs her momma. If I was a Kangaroo, you would have found her in my pouch 24-7. We enjoyed every ride together. Waited on every line side-by-side. Shared almost every ice cream treat. I learned that she is happiest when she is with me.
My little K-Roo (funny that I have always call her that), needs her momma way more than I thought. But life is not Disney. Life is full of laundry, house cleaning, errand running. Life is marked by client emails, ministry ideas, friendships and fellowship. So how does a little one who likes to have her momma’s hand wrapped tight around her fingers find her love-need met in real life?
A change in priorities and focus for her momma.
God will be faithful to show me how to do just that.
Every time He reveals a need, He also has a plan to meet that need.
So, I’ve been seeking the Lord humbly as I look at my schedule and scale back on the unnecessary. As I put things in their place and say no to what I can, I’m trusting God to also fill the gap with His grace. Life may not be Disney, but it is meant have some balance and order. Speaking of balance and order, the kids and their bedrooms need both.
A Monthly Dose of Realness Link Up
How about you? What are you really struggling with this month? Is God teaching you something painfully true?
Link up with us to share your story! All you have to do is tag an already-written-post from the last month that resonates with the purpose of this real gathering of writer hearts.
Your post should share a story, a confession, a lesson learned, or a God-truth, in which you reveal that you don’t have it all together, but are striving toward the cross and desire to glorify God, even in your mess.
If you have any questions or ideas about this link up, email me at lisa(at)moretobe(.)com. In the meantime, grab the button and invite your friends to keep it real, from the heart on the 30th of each month!
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