How to Avoid Heartbreak

Last month I shared some thoughts about what to do when your heart breaks, so this month I thought we’d look at whether heartbreak inevitable.

Do you have to experience heartbreak?

Is there anything you can do to avoid heartbreak?

Can you be friends after a heartbreak?

What We Can Learn from the Movies about Heartbreak

It seems that almost every romantic movie follows one of three plot lines:heartbreak

1. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall for each other. They experience conflict, but

2. Boy or girl experiences heartbreak.

3. Boy and girl reconcile or meet someone else.

4. Boy and girl become friends in the end regardless.

Let’s take each of these step-by-step to see how we can use each stage to avoid heartbreak.

Boy Meets Girl {or Girl Meets Boy}

In a relationship there are two imperfect people. Conflict is certain. There is no getting around it. Even the healthiest relationships and marriages have conflict. However, the most important step you can take to possibly lessen conflict is only date men who are equally yoked with you.

 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?
And what communion has light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14 NKJV

When I was single, I thought the conversation to assure a guy was equally yoked looked like this: “Are you a Christian? Yes? Oh good! Check! I’m glad that’s off the checklist!” Since then I have realized that being equally yoked is more than a check on a checklist. Being equally yoked means that you and the guy you are dating are in similar places spiritually. You are similar in your maturity in Christ. If the guy you are dating does not already have a growing relationship with Jesus, and you do, then you are not equally yoked.

Boy or Girls Experiences Heartbreak

Relationships, all relationships, are risky. There are no promises here on earth outside of the promises God gives us in His Word. We are always vulnerable to sin because we live in a fallen world. We are broken people. The guys you date are broken, too. Anytime you enter into a dating relationship you are taking a risk – the risk to possible experience heartbreak.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 NLT

However knowledge of the risk does not mean that you should run from dating relationships to avoid it. Jesus gives us the words in John 16:33 to give us peace, not to make us run away but to run to Him. Knowing that there will be trials and sorrows brings us peace by giving us a heads-up so that we are not surprised. We approach life with hands open to God instead of clinched tight around our fear.

Boy and Girl Reconcile or Meet Someone Else

There is not a right answer as to whether guys and girls should get back together after they break-up or how long they should wait before dating someone else. It is important, though, to be cautiously discerning when making these decisions. Through prayer and reading God’s Word, you will be able to determine the root of the breakup and how you should move forward.

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.
Proverbs 26:11

Repeating foolishness is one of the primary reasons people experience heartbreak over and over again. As I heard someone once say, “The common denominator in every relationship you are in is YOU!” So ask God to show you areas in your life that may need to change or patterns of behavior that you need to address. This can be scary because He may show you some deep places within yourself that are  hard to bear. However, doing the hard work now of addressing foolishness will protect your heart in the future.

I want to interject here that in today’s dating relationships sexual sin is the most prevalent “foolishness” that unbelievers AND Christians engage in that leads to heartbreak. Remember that all sin, including sexual sin, comes with a price. Single friends, the price is high especially for women. Your heart cannot go unbroken with sexual sin in your life. 

Boy and Girl Become Friends in the End Regardless

Here’s the age-old question of whether or not guys and girls can be friends. Again, there is not necessarily a right answer. However, from my experience, it is very, very difficult. There is no way I could have been friends with a guy after we dated. My heart was already invested by then. It would have been too painful.

 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Ask yourself, “By being friends with this person am I guarding my heart?” The answer will tell you if you should move ahead with the friendship. It is important that we end with Proverbs 4:23.  Notice that it says “above all else.” Above all else, it is important for you to guard your heart. It is your responsibility. The previous verses will help you to do just this.

You may not be able to completely avoid heartbreak because remember, “in this world you will have many trials and sorrows,” however, you can avoid your heart becoming severed so badly that it takes an insurmountable effort to mend.

What is your advice, scripture verse, or opinion about how to avoid heartbreak?

If you are a mom, mentor, or married woman, what are your thoughts for our single sisters in Christ?

more resources for you…
Truth and Advice about Dating Relationships and Five Key Truths about Relationships

 

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Brenda considers herself a "recovering single" after years as a single woman chasing her dreams instead of God's dreams for her. Now she lives with her two miracles: her husband who God physically saved from Cardiomyopathy after a dramatic heart transplant and her baby girl who was recently born from those three hearts. Brenda encourages women to live a life surrendered to Jesus in every season on her blog, Triple Braided, and she recently published her first eBook, Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
8 Comments
  1. I really appreciate what Brenda said about being unequally yoked spiritally. A Christian man is interested in me. I am 60, never been married, and walking with the Lord for over 40 years. He is 66, was married and divorsed in the 70’s walking with the Lord for 3 years. We meet 3 years ago when we received a ride home from church in the same car.

  2. Interesting that you blogged on this because I was thinking along the same lines on my site too! Heartbreak is awful, and sometimes inevitable, which is why it is SO important to know how to apologize. That way, at least you can resolve it instead of causing further heartbreak.

  3. Shalom!

    This is such an awesome breakdown for learning which relationships to enter into and how to gauge those you already have! My biggest problems over the years have been being unequally yoked and returning to relationships that I knew were broken. I am learning though, day by day, where I am spiritually and in life and where I need the people closest to me to be in order for us to have a mutually beneficially relationship. For me it goes far beyond dating. It extends into all of my life relationships. Thank you for those great verses and insights. This will be a blessing on my journey!~

    Surrendered to Him!~
    ~rose~

  4. Annamae, I think the best thing to do is pray! I don’t know if the length of time knowing the Lord is always a determining factor. More so his commitment to his relationship with Jesus since knowing the Lord. :-) Thank you for commenting!

  5. Elizabeth, what a wonderful point! There always has to be forgiveness for healing, and it’s really wonderful when you are able to apology. Thank you for sharing!

  6. Rose, I agree! All of the people closest to us should be equally yoked to us. At least the people we seek wisdom from. Thank you for sharing!

  7. I appreciate the wisdom you have shared. I wish I had known these things in my teens and twenties. I wish I had done things differently. God has given me a wonderful husband, but I wasn’t at the point of maturity where I was ready to be a wife until I was in my later twenties. I regret that I pursued love so often instead of having the wisdom and patience to wait upon the Lord.

  8. when i read the title of your post, the thought came to me that the way to avoid heartbreak is to avoid close relationships, don’t share yourself, the real you. why? because it makes you vulnerable to being hurt.

    that said, i’m not advocating for it! Brenda shared many of the ways we learn from those hurts…about relationships, friendships, ourselves and our flaws, and life in general.

    with each close relationship, we open ourselves up to hurt and pain. It WILL happen. But NOT relating, protecting ourselves from the pain…that is lonely and isolated and we aren’t made to be alone. we are made to live in relationship…with GOD, other people of our gender and for many of us, others of the opposite sex that we will marry.

    life isn’t about living pain-free, it is about living in a fallen world…for the glory of GOD! He doesn’t promise no pain, He does promise not to give more than we can bear…and He promises NEVER to leave us. WOW! great promises.

    don’t forget, there are a lot of wonderful things that come from pain…new life come from the pain of labor and delivery. is it worth it? there isn’t a mother alive who wouldn’t say a resounding “yes!”

    it’s that way with relationships too. there will be conflict that must be resolved and forgiveness and grace must be given…often and lavishly! pain-free isn’t all it’s cracked-up to be.

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