Confessions of a People Pleaser

There a few interesting things that you should probably know about me.  I like frozen yogurt better than ice cream, I’m absolutely terrified of jellyfish, and I am, by nature, a HUGE people pleaser. I’ll leave the fro-yo and jellyfish for another time, but that third fun fact about people pleasing is the focus of today’s post.

I have been a people pleaser my entire life.  In school I was constantly trying to please my peers with the clothes I wore and the brand name on my shirt.  I strived to please my parents by getting good grades and being well-mannered (not that this is a bad thing).  In my friendships, I worked hard at always being the one who had the right thing to say; I wanted to be everyone’s “go-to girl.”  Even in my romantic relationships I aimed to please.  “Whatever you want to do is fine” became my mantra.

M2B Image 5:10
Photo: Eli Molina

Why was I so anxious to please? And why do I still struggle with people pleasing today?

Simple.  I enjoy it.  Actually, it is more like love it.

To make someone smile for something I did that pleased them… well you’ve got me right there.  If it’ll make you feel better, count me in.  Need someone to take on an extra burden for you?  Sign me up.

I revel in making others happy. 

Why would this be a bad thing, you ask?  Well, it finally hit me one morning that the time I’ve spent pleasing others should have been spent pleasing God.

I’ll let you soak that in for a moment because I certainly had to.

I should have been trying to please God.

I had let my prayer life become routine.  I had let my quiet time become not so quiet, filled with busyness and multi-tasking.  My need to please others had taken over my need to please God.

God makes it clear to us where our priorities should stand.

Malachi 1: 7 NLT
When you say ‘The altar of God is not important anymore; worship of God is no longer a priority,’ that’s defiling. 

These words were originally directed at the people of Israel, but they weighed heavily on my heart. Here I was, so concerned with what others thought and how I could please them that I had forgotten the most important One I should be aiming to please. I hope some of you out there are with me on this and I not hanging out on that tree limb by myself! Have you, too, spent so much time investing in others’ wants and needs that you’ve forgotten to be pleasing to the Lord?

This topic has been heavy on my heart lately because people-pleasing on its own account is not necessarily a bad thing. Which is exactly the point. Because we equate people-pleasing with being kind and helpful, we allow it to take over too much of our lives. It is the emphasis that we put on it, on caring more about what others think than what God thinks of us, that make it dangerous.

James 4:5 JER
Surely you don’t think the Scripture is wrong when it says: the spirit which He sent to live in us wants us for himself alone?

My priorities need to shift. I need to look to God before I put emphasis on anyone (or anything) else. His impression of me is the only one that matters. I want God to know that He is my ultimate priority.

My actions are a reflection of Him. 

The language I use- a reflection.

The way I raise my children- reflection.

My ability to forgive {and be forgiven}- pure reflection of Christ.

The list could go on and on.

Are you a confessed people-pleaser too?  Are you like me and need to make a change in priorities?  Are there things you can be doing that are more pleasing to God?

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for not making you a priority and for caring more about others think than what you think.  Your opinion of me is the only one that matters and I want to be pleasing to you.  Please help me to keep my focus on you.  Thank you for your unfailing love for us.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

2 thoughts on “Confessions of a People Pleaser”

  1. Hello I came to visit from The Better Mom. I have to be honest that I too find myself often wanting to please others. I am always trying to keep people happy with me and it bothers me immensely when I think I have made someone mad. Over the past few years I have been trying to work on not caring as much what others think of me. Like you said instead focusing on God and what he wants me to do. I am now following your blog and really look forward to reading more of what you right in the future.

  2. Patricia-thank you so much for your comment and honesty. This is something the Lord is constanstly working with me on. I’m like you too, I feel out of sorts if someone is upset with me or vice versa. I think it goes back to my need to feel in control, which I’m not! Let’s pray for each other that we can continue to work on this and focus on pleasing God. It’s definitely tough!

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