By this point, you’ve probably heard of the best-selling erotica book, Fifty Shades of Grey that was published in 2011. It has been called the new “mommy porn” because of its popularity among moms. However, today I don’t want to talk about its effects on moms. I want to talk about its effect on your daughter and why you should talk to your daughter about Fifty Shades of Grey.
In February 2015, a movie based on Fifty Shades of Grey will be released in theaters. If your daughter isn’t determined enough to read the 530 page book, she may be more apt to sit through the, presumably jaw-dropping, two-plus hour movie, especially if her friends plan to see it too. So now is the time to talk about the book and movie with your teenage or young adult daughter.
Even if your daughter is not tempted by books and movies such as this one, it is still a good opportunity to discuss with her some of the content and the reasons it is harmful to her body, mind, and spirit.
As moms, we can deal with sin in our culture in a few ways. We can get angry and resentful, bury our heads in the sand, or we can think of it as an opportunity to grow our daughters’ spiritual maturity and relationship with Jesus.
This book, and the movie, opens the door to talk to our daughters about some very sensitive issues, which even if she never struggles with them herself, will equip her to speak into her friends’ lives who may struggle.
Recently I had the privilege of reading and reviewing the book Pulling Back the Shades by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery. This book is a response to Fifty Shades of Grey. In this book, the authors give the reader a thorough understanding of the reasons Fifty Shades of Grey is so detrimental to women, not only from a spiritual standpoint, but also from a physical and relational standpoint. However, the authors do not do this in a way that makes sex seem ungodly or wrong. Instead, they talk about how sex is very right – when it’s in God’s context and design.
“We want to be very clear: your sexual desire is not wrong. God created you to be sexual. Your body and your mind are wired to long for sexual pleasure and intimacy. Unfortunately, many religious messages separate being a sexual woman from being a spiritual woman. Instead of encouraging you to seek God’s plan for your sexuality, you’re left with only worldly outlets to fulfill your longings.” (Pulling Back the Shades; p. 25)
This is important for our daughters to hear.
Our culture tells us a half-truth about sex.
It tells us that sex is right and natural – which it is. But it also tells us that it’s so right and natural that it’s okay to do it in any context with whomever you wish.
Our daughters need to know that there is nothing wrong with their sexuality. It is a gift from God. However, they will never experience the fullness of the gift outside of God’s context and design.
Pulling Back the Shades will help you answer some tough questions your daughter may ask, such as, “What is right and wrong?” and “How do I know if something is okay?” Answering these questions helps our daughters make a plan for what to do in a situation before it happens.
By talking to your daughter about Fifty Shades of Grey, you will also learn a lot about her. You will learn her thoughts on sexuality, how she perceives it, and whether she believes any lies that need to be replaced with truth. You will be able to teach her God’s design for sex.
Now I must give a caveat at this point. If you plan to read the book or watch the movie, then you will not be able to speak into your daughter’s life with credibility and trust. As you know, our children do what they see us do more than they do what we tell them to do. If you are engaged with Fifty Shades of Grey and then tell your daughter she shouldn’t be, she will not trust you.
We must be women of integrity.
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So what should you do if you’ve already read the book (or have seen the movie by the time you read this post). Take heart, friend. God’s grace is upon you. If you feel conviction and regret, ask God to forgive you for making the decision you did. Then, go to your daughter and explain to her how you came upon the decision you did in the first place to read it (or see) and how you now recognize how by doing so was an act of sin against God. Share with her how God’s love and mercy is what opened your eyes to see it as sin and seek His forgiveness, and ask her to forgive you for not setting a good example for her.
This is our opportunity, moms!
Instead of becoming angry or fearful over media such as Fifty Shades of Grey, let’s use resources available to us – like Pulling Back the Shades – and take this opportunity to teach our daughter’s God’s truth so that they are well equipped to make godly decisions in their own lives and so they are mature enough in the truth to teach others.
This is our opportunity to turn the darkness in our culture to light by teaching our daughters!
What are your thoughts about how to approach the topic of Fifty Shades with our daughters?
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