Young and in love. Either we’ve been there and done that, or we are anxiously awaiting our turn to come. It is almost every little girl’s dream to grow up, find their prince charming, experience their first kiss and have their foot pop up (think Princess Diaries), as she breathlessly declares, “I’m in love!” But when exactly is the right time to have a long awaited first love relationship? Is there a perfect age to be young and in love? And should a young and in love couple seriously consider marriage? What are the qualifications for getting married, especially at a young age? These are some of the questions Ted Cunningham tackles in his new book, “Young and in Love: Challenging the Unnecessary Delay of Marriage.”
Cunningham is a marriage advocate. As a pastor, he has experienced countless hours of counseling couples of every age and background. He approaches his young and in love couples, as well as all his congregants, with a Biblically sound theology of marriage, love, sexuality, and commitment, which is also the framework for Young and in Love. Through sharing his personal experiences, family history and marital stories, he lays a groundwork for his theological perspective on marriage, including young love and mature love. His training from Liberty University and Dallas Theological Seminary ooze out of almost every page, along with his opinions of the culture and the effects it has had on every aspect of parenting, adolescence, maturity, responsibility, work ethic, the divorce rate, generational influences, and young love leading to marriage.
At certain points, Cunningham’s strong opinions might ruffle feathers, but it is worth pressing on past the Cunningham “isms” to gain the wisdom he offers within the context of a broader perspective. I must admit, I nearly set the book down when he referenced his time at Liberty, as he quoted a chapel talk by Dr. Falwell, “If you’re interested in a girl on this campus and she is dating someone else, but not yet engaged, then by all means ask her out.” (p. 18) Personally, I don’t agree with “competitive dating,” as Cunningham names it, even though I agree that many college somethings are simply playing around and not thinking seriously about marriage at a time when it is appropriate to consider a lifetime commitment.
This is more than a book about whether young couples should get married. While Cunningham encourages young couples — high school graduates and older — to marry under the right conditions, which he delves into carefully, his passion is ultimately to “keep one couple from divorcing…” (p. 125). He explores the the state of our culture, the influence it has on our priorities, and the subtle and dangerous ways we are replacing God’s purposes for our lives with modern day norms. He uncovers the “foxes” that steer us away from truth found into the Word with the campaigns of a society that values money over contentment, education over a strong work ethic, and independence over commitment.
Cunningham tackles every angle of influence, making this a valuable read for every type of person. Literally, every mother and father, teenager and college age single person, every in love and longing to be in love person, every twenty, thirty, and forty something in a relationship or on the rebound, every divorcee and remarried couple, every mentor and youth leader, and every pastor and seminary professor needs to read this book. Why? Because this book offers a simple perspective on why marriages fail — which has little to do with age — and even more valuable concepts on how to make marriages stronger. Cunningham combines Biblical texts from Genesis, Song of Solomon, Ephesians, and Ecclesiastes, along with others, to illustrate God’s purposes for a man and woman — and how to create and foster relationships that will last. He thoroughly considers
necessary delays for marriage of any age…
such as unexpected pregnancy, military deployment, relocation, escaping home, saving money, having sex sooner, and more…
unnecessary delays for marriage…
such as education, job, money, cohabitation, independence, age and more…
Yes, you’ll find quite a few surprises in these chapters, which I refuse to give away. You’ll also find what I consider to be the hidden gem within Young and in Love — four chapters on evaluating the fit of a potential spouse. Cunningham explains the fours “Cs” as:
- Character
- Chemistry
- Competency
- Calling
These four “Cs” are used to help soon-to-be marrieds determine if their relationship has what it takes to succeed. In my opinion, this section alone should be reproduced and mandatory reading for every person 12 and older. It is a great guide for parents as they help their child consider qualifications for a future mate. It is also a perfect tool for couples who are currently experiencing strife, as a means to uncover the root of their problem and seek a healthy solution for the sake of the health of their marriage.
Cunningham has wisdom many of us desperately need, both as we pursue emotionally healthy relationships and seek to mentor the next generation with a Biblical perspective on marriage. He has inspired me to think differently about the influences of the culture on my perspective of marriage and young love, and equipped me with the tools to train up my own children in Biblical thinking about finding a mate.
Young and in Love should be put on your required reading list. It will make you wrestle with your beliefs and what you think about relationships in today’s culture. You may not agree with Cunningham on all points, but you’ll be better off in the long run as you wrestle with him point for point and seek the Lord for Biblical understanding.
* This book as been graciously offered for review by the B&B Media Group, Inc.
