In-Between Days

What about the in-between days?

The inbox-empty-hands-clenched days? The crying-my-heart-out-in-the-shower days?

Rush of emotion flows through my soul, my stomach, my stuttering fingers.

Have you ever woken up to the waiting, the pressing waiting?

Perhaps for news that the class schedule you want so badly is finally yours…or a phone call from the doctor…or a ring from your man…or some kind of something that says I love you from someone, anyone.

I’m a list gal. An organization junkie. The kind of person who, if I don’t write it down, it most likely won’t get done. I like to have my ducks in a row, if you will. And my emails in folders.

One particular folder, Writerly Sweetlings, I call it, I stuff full of encouraging emails from friends and family and perfect strangers. That folder goes back two years. Two years of college. Two years of I’m-an-adult-sorta.

Two years of writing dreams polished and published and perhaps-someday.

I cleaned it out today. Not cleaned-it-out, per se. More like divvied into discernible stacks where I could find the treasured words that bring tears more easily in coming days.

Some I pasted into a Word doc and printed for my smile box (you don’t have one with emails and letters and crayon-colorings from Sunday school kids? You should). Some I kept there, unable to do anything but read, ponder, remember.

And I felt that terrific ache between laugh and cry. That humbling promise of they believe in me. That I-want-to-live-up-to-that-heartfelt-note goal.

Do you know the feeling? Do you look around you and see smiles of loved ones cheering you on? Perhaps not with bells and cheers and pompoms and signs and standing ovations…perhaps with little notes tucked carefully into your inbox on a random whim that you need some loving today. I look around me and that’s what I see.

 

Do you not know the feeling? Do you look around you and your smile slips because you’re the encourager, the one who says all the sweet things, and you feel just a little empty, just a little jaded, just a little jagged?

What if what I call in-between days are your every-days?

I cannot understand that kind of longing, loneliness, gnawing hunger…but I know the One who does. He felt that. He knew the accolades and adoration of the crowds waving palm fronds…and He knew the spit on His face, the insults in His ears, and the walking-away of a crowd for whom He was a day’s entertainment and nothing more.

But He was so much more. Oh, if they had only known, He was their Everything. Messiah. Savior. Redeemer. Christ. 

He forgave them and He loved them and He looked beyond the sneering and saw their scars. I wonder if their in-between days were every-days.

He will be your Everything, too. He will be mine, as well. If only I let Him. As easily as those sweet notes slipping into my inbox, as easily as raindrops wrinkle into my open palms, as easily as the tears fall…He will fill. He will fill even the in-betweens.

{subscribe to More to Be for a free gift of Story Hearts, an eDevotional for when you’re waiting on God}

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