Trading in Habit-Days for Open-Heart Days

I have a confession to make.

This is Year Eight.

That fact still makes my eyes widen and my heart skip. It’s been eight years since I picked up a Bible, a pen, and a notebook and said, “Okay, this is it. A quiet time.” Oh, I had so much to learn. So much to learn about praying with eyes and heart and hands wide open. So much to learn about choosing a Bible I could understand, learn from, grow in. And so very, very much to learn about the God at Whose feet I was sitting.

It became a habit. A good one. Wake up, roll over, open drawer or dig in basket for my Bible and pens and highlighters and whatever devotional book I was reading (usually something by either Elizabeth George or Shannon Primicerio). Open Word. Fold hands. Ask for guidance. Pray for grace.

Years passed. As a homeschool student, I had oodles of time in the mornings before school began. Spending time with God was easy. How very much I learned! I wouldn’t trade those mornings for anything! I fell in love with Jesus then, learned that He can be the very best friend a girl can have.

But the problem with habits?

They’re habits. Routine.

Do you meet with God every day?

Do you open the Word and your heart on a regular basis? Is it in the morning? How do you do it?

Here’s the real question: is it a habit for you?

Or is it a wake-up-with-a-smile-because-I-know-He’s-waiting thing? An I-can’t-wait-to-see-what-He’s-going-to-say-today thing? A vibrant, vivid, love-it thing?

My true confession? My quiet time hadn’t been any of those things lately.

It was kind of dry. And I didn’t know why.

I felt like I was doing everything right, everything a {good} Christian should do. But isn’t that exactly when things start to go wrong? When we start living good… and stop looking for the Great? That’s exactly what went wrong with me and my quiet times. Though it’s hard to admit it now, it was even harder to admit then. Well, that’s not exactly true. It wasn’t that it was hard to admit. It was hard to see.

 

It’s impossible to self-diagnose when self defines the problem.

So if you’re thinking I’m going to end this so-honest-it-hurts confession with a list of do-this-and-your-quiet-times-will-be-perfect-again…I’m sorry. I wish there were such a list. Nah, scratch that, I’m glad the list just doesn’t exist.

The truth is, the list can’t exist.

The real truth is, I’m human. And imperfect.

So my time with God is always going to be this epic event where humanity meets majesty, as the song says.

“…It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away…”

The Hurt and The Healer, MercyMe

I’m always going to have that moment in the morning when I realize:

I can’t do this on my own. I can’t come before a Holy God with heart iced over with worry and distrust. I can’t ever, ever, approach Jesus with anything other than Him as my sole priority.

For what feels like a really long time, I did. I did think that my showing up was enough. That my opening the Word and reading, skimming, searching for meaning without letting His Spirit sweep over me, was enough. As if Jesus-time was just another thing on my to-do list.

I may have been meeting with God first. But I wasn’t putting Him first. 

My fingers quake at the confession and my heart splinters with the truth that I wasted many a morning trying to make it on my own. Oh, God still spoke. Through songs on the radio, things people would say, even the words He’d give me to write…He’d speak. But I wasn’t listening at the time when I needed to hear Him most ~ before I began my day, before I grappled with the sin-stains of this world and faced being blemished or becoming a blemish myself.

Is any of this making sense? Any of it piercing your soul with oh-my-maybe-that’s-me? I kind of hope not. Because if all of this is rambling, then your quiet times with God are full of life and light and love…and you’re farther along on the journey than I. But if… if these words are for you, then link arms with me. I dare you to open the Word and your heart, too. And see just how much He has longed for you to do so all along.

Want to know the turning point for me?

It was on the mercy-poured-out-day when I realized that God wasn’t just meeting with me. {You see, I had always seen that slot in the morning as a mutual thing. An I’ll-show-up-if-You-will-God thing.)

But that’s wrong. All wrong. I had it so, so wrong.

He doesn’t meet me. He’s waiting for me.

And, honestly, it’s joy as deep and powerful as an ocean tide when habit becomes an I-wake-up-with-a-smile-because-I-know-He’s-waiting thing.

 

What has been your quiet time journey?

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14 thoughts on “Trading in Habit-Days for Open-Heart Days”

  1. Rachelle,
    I so enjoy reading your words. Thank you for this post this morning. I appreciate your honesty as so many of us battle with this same thing, our habits! 🙂

  2. Rachelle,

    This spoke very deeply to me. Thank you for your open honesty 🙂 The Lord has been tugging on my heart about this issue for far to long :/ but today I am inspired to get right with the my best friend Jesus and run to His open arms.

    Blessings dear sister in Christ

  3. Thank you for your post. I am so lacking in habit or open-heartedness. I have felt the leading to change this & your words go a long way to nudge me in the right direction.

  4. Thank you for sharing your heart, Rachelle. I love how you made the distinction between hearing from God in our daily activities, and sitting to meet with Him before our day begins. From your pen to my heart.

  5. Beautiful, poignant. 🙂 I admit I’ve been the girl who always struggled getting *to* her devotions in the mornings… my sense of duty to the tasks of the day often crowds my mind if not my time as well and it’s a constant battle to make sure I spend that time with God first. So thank you for the challenge! 😉

    I loved your last line about God already waiting for us for that one-on-one time with Him. I think I will see my devotional times so differently now. 😀 It makes me feel as if I can’t WAIT for that time with Him in the mornings instead of that sometimes feeling of being something to check off my to do list.

    {{{Hugs}}} God’s doing great things through you Shell! Keep encouraging…keep inspiring…keep being daring for Him! 😀 Love you tons!
    ~Rachel~

    1. Rachel, something I’ve found that helps me is keeping post-it notes in the back flap of my Bible – just stickied to the flap! That way, when something flits through my brain that I need to write down, I don’t have to struggle to focus *and* remember whatever it was, I can write it down. 😉

      Thank you! That last line contains the nutshell for me. Defining moment, that was. 🙂

      ((((Hugs))) You have no idea what those words mean to me!!!

  6. Many thanks for sharing. i am an old(er)believer, who has happened onto the “young homemakers” site.(looking for blueberry recipes!)
    How awesome our Father is. i am in great need of meeting with Y’shua, with our Father, spending the first moments of my days, with HIM. How i long for this, to meet with Him, in great anticipation and love. i ask His forgiveness and mercy for allowing, and choosing, other things and distractions, including people instead of Him.(idolatry)
    i needed this nudge from Him, to speak to me.
    Many thanks. God Bless you. Joan

      1. Good Morning! Drawn to read through this again, and, with tears, and a heart of ‘mush’ i surrender(again). i am in awe, when i think of Him, WAITING to meet with me(us!). (wrapping us in His love). God Bless. Joan

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