Before I got married, I had my share of heartbreak.

Sometimes it was “heartbreak lite,” the kind that comes from a crush not liking you back. Or not even knowing that you exist.

But there were a few times that it was “real” heartbreak. The kind that comes from a relationship dying.

Relationships are built over time – lots of time – spent with another person. Promises are made, and plans are established. You begin to assume this person will be in your life forever. You may even get engaged. Your mind fast forwards five, ten, maybe even twenty years, and you begin to pick out wedding colors, name children, and decide what kind of house you want to live in. You can’t imagine it any other way.

Then all of a sudden (or maybe not all that suddenly) it’s all over. One of you ends the story, and you’re both left with an unknown future.

With every heartbreak I experienced, I’ve been amazed at how my emotional pain can be so deeply physical. Like a dull ache that went on for days and sometimes even weeks. If you’ve experienced it, you know what I mean. This pain isn’t strange, or even unhealthy. Heartbreak is a death. It’s the death of a relationship. And just like any other death, it has to be mourned. It has to be felt. If it’s passed over too quickly, it can’t truly be resolved.

So what do we do when our heart breaks? 

Scripture tells us that God understands heartbreak.

‘The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 (HCSB)

Here are some practical steps the Bible gives us for dealing with times of emotional distress:

1. Run to Jesus.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'”
Matthew 11:28 NLT

I didn’t run to Jesus soon enough when I experienced heartbreak in my life. Instead I ran to my friends. I wanted answers, and so I rehashed the sequence of events and every minute detail of the relationship over and over again. This only left me with more questions and more self-doubt.

2. Be still.

““Be still, and know that I am God!”
Psalm 46:10 NLT

Instead of being still, I went running. Running to find answers, in a state of near-panic. I would call the man who broke my heart over and over again begging for him to tell me why, what’s wrong with me, what did I do this time. During this time of running, lies seeped into my mind. Lies from the enemy that I was worthless, that it was all my fault, and that something must be wrong with me.

3. Ask for discernment and wisdom.

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
James 1:5 NLT

Because I did not take time ask for and receive God’s help, I was unable to hear what he wanted to teach me in times of heartbreak. In every relationship, even if it ends, contains gems of wisdom to take into the future. If you are in full-on fix-it mode, trying to make sense of it yourself, then you may miss these gems of wisdom and the blessing that comes from them.

4. Mourn 

“I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.”
Jeremiah 31:13 NLT

A break-up is a loss. In most cases, you never see that person again – a person who you might of thought you’d be with forever. It’s o.k. to cry, to be sad, to even be angry. There is a time for mourning. However, when you run to Jesus, are still, and ask for wisdom, God can turn your mourning into joy.

After break-up I’ve experienced, I’ve been able to look back and wholeheartedly thank God for protecting me from a future with that person. Even when the break-up is amicable and the man is a “good person,” I can see why he was not God’s best match for me.

So single sisters in Christ, when your heart breaks, turn to the One who brings purpose to all of our mourning. 

What do you do when your heart breaks from a broken relationship?

We hope these resources, Truth and Advice about Dating Relationships and Five Key Truths about Relationships, will encourage you.