Are you Dateable?

As a typical teenaged girl, I happen to be on the boy crazy side of things. So when I saw the book my mom brought home, Dateable: Are you? Are they?, by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco, I knew I had to read it. I picked up the book and could not put it down. The information inside was amazing.  Each chapter answers the questions most girls my age (and older) have about what it means to have a great boyfriend or be a great girlfriend. I was intrigued.

Even though this book draws us in with a title like, Dateable, the authors do not encourage dating at a young age. This book was written to encourage young people with a standard of principles for when the time comes to date, and in particular, for preparing for your future spouse. They urge us to be patient, understanding that God has our perfect someone out there waiting for us.

Dateable is filled with ideas that I never considered and many truths my mom has already shared with me.  This is some of what you will find inside:

• We learn the harsh truth that most high school relationships we will encounter will NOT last. Lookadoo and DiMarco provide logical reasons and proven data. They tell us that we need to let God romance us.
• We are warned not to put too much into a dating relationship, otherwise we will be left heartbroken and feeling empty. When you invest yourself completely emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually it is like you are marrying the other person. In a marriage you must give everything, but it in a dating relationship that is unhealthy.
• We’re also instructed not to rush into a relationship. If it starts fast and intense, it will end fast and intense…and you will get your heart broken. If it starts slow and sweet, it will end slower and less painful.
• In chapter four we learn about, “if I will do it for you, I will do it to you.”  This includes cheating, lying, backstabbing, two-faced, stealing etc. We’re challenged to consider the fact that some boys will lie to us. Guys want physical payoff, so they will use lines like “I feel different with you” and “I want to make love to you.” They have a goal to achieve and a prize to win.
• We’re also pushed to consider whether we will lie to ourselves, saying things like “Oh, he is different” and “I am better than his last girlfriend.”  The authors challenge girls to not deceive themselves.
• We’re challenged to consider how far, deep, and intense a relationship should gets, and are urged to stay pure in our thoughts and our actions.

• Some of the chapters are directed mainly at the girls and others at boys. For example, Lookadoo and DiMarco encourage girls to have friendships with guys, but to recognize that as a girl you should not become like one the guys, as this can go wrong for you as you get older.
• They also point out that many teenage girls go for the guy with the “bad boy” persona, because they like the thrill of not knowing what to expect. The “bad boy” is not necessarily the best choice, and the authors encourage the girls to wait for a man who honors and loves God first and foremost.
• We’re also given eye-opening statistics about money and college and how these stats show the consequences of our actions. For example, if you want to have sex, what price are you going to pay? What happens if you get pregnant? Will you be able to support the baby? Also what friendship sacrifices will you make for a boyfriend?
• This leads into a chapter about addictions, such as porn. Lookadoo and DiMarco state that female porn can be chick flicks. Just as guys take a 2D image and create their unrealistic perfect girl, girls create in their heads the image of the unrealistic perfect boyfriend based on what they see in movies.
• We also learn that many girls want to be rescued, in a sense, by a knight and shining armor, and they encourage guys to be this kind of man.

My favorite chapter caught my attention immediately with its catchy title. “If what your showing ain’t on the menu, keep it covered up.” I know guys are very visual, as my mom and dad have told me that time and time again and I’ve had to learn this truth on my own with my friends. Lookadoo and DiMarco echo my parent’s instructions, begging the female readers of the book to cover up. Just a tiny sneak peek of your cleavage or your stomach showing when you move a certain way can turn a guy on and cause them to lust after you, which causes them to sin.

I consider chapter ten the “big whammy.”  If you guessed that is because this chapter is about sex, then you are correct!  We are directly told by the authors to NOT have sex before marriage because it is a sacred thing to be shared only between a husband and wife. The authors also encourage us to not participate in actions that could lead to sex, such as cuddling, sleeping together, and massages. Even though I’ve heard this before, it was good to hear it again in the face of so many other messages coming my way.

Another one of my favorites chapters talked about what guys find attractive in girls. There are numerous lists and tips to improve your “dateability,” which helped me think long term about how I want to be as a maturing woman.  This concept wraps up in the last chapter, where we are finally given a definition of what it means to be dateable!

This book was super encouraging and opened my eyes to many interesting facts about relationships. It also gave me a clear understanding of the actions of both my guy and girl friends. The little quizzes, designed to keep the reader in check, and the helpful tips along the way, make this book very thought provoking.  I know that being thirteen is too young for me to consider dating yet, but I know I will carry these tips with me into the future. After reading this book, I feel more confident about what to expect from a relationship. I also think I am now more sensitive to the actions of others and have a better understanding about how girls and guys behave. I strongly believe this should be a a must read for every teenager, college student, and parent.

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Have you read Dateable? If so, what was your impression?

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