Breaking Up: How to Find Healing After Heartache {Part 2}

Did you get to read Part 1 of Breaking Up: How to Find Healing After Heartache? If not, click here.

Breaking up is never easy—whether you’re the one breaking up or the one getting broken up with. You may feel as if your world has ended, as if you no longer have a reason to live, as if all hope has vanished.

10 Steps to Finding Healing After a Breakup


Whether you realize it or not, your break up is actually a blessing in disguise. After I ended things with my first serious boyfriend, I was determined not to allow the heartache to destroy me, but instead for it to pull me closer to God (see 2 Corinthians. 12:9).

Steps to Healing

The following are things God showed me to do, which eventually led to healing:

1)    Focus on your relationship with God.

Every time you start missing your ex-boyfriend, spend time with God. Allow yourself to fall into His embrace. He’s always with you (Deut. 31:6,  Psalm 139).

2)    Allow yourself to grieve.

Don’t keep your tears inside; it’s okay to cry. Just make sure that you don’t allow yourself to fall into self-pity or depression.* When you are tempted to feel sorry for yourself, remind yourself of Psalm 42:5-8 NCV, “Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God.”

3)    Avoid talking to your ex.

When I broke up with mine, I told him that I wanted for us to remain friends. However, I realized that it was far easier getting over him when we didn’t talk to or see each other. Give yourself time to heal and move on.

4)    Trust God.

He knows what’s best for you, even when you don’t always understand His ways (see Proverbs 3:5-6). And when God’s in control, everything that happens is for a reason.

2 Samuel 22:31 NCV

The ways of God are without fault…He is a shield to those who trust him.

5)    Distract yourself.

Rather than reminiscing over the past, find new activities to fill your life with.

6)    Put away anything that reminds you of your ex.

Guard your heart in order to prevent missing him. If necessary, delete your ex as a friend on social media.

7)    Write a list of qualities to look for in your future husband and pray for him to develop them.

Praying for your potential husband forces you to look towards the future rather than the past. By making a list of qualities—such as godly, selfless, patient, etc.—you will see which qualities your ex may not have had.

8)    Don’t listen to love songs, watch romance movies, or read romance novels for a while.

During your healing process, be sure to stay away from anything that might remind you of your ex. Instead of love songs, listen to worship music. Instead of romance novels, read God’s Word. These things will shift your focus off your ex and on God instead.

9)    Stay full of joy.

Be determined not to allow this heartbreak to defeat you. There are many things to be grateful for; with God, there is always a reason be joyful (1 Thessalonians 5:16, Psalm 16:11).

10) Fall deeper in love with Jesus.

The emptiness you feel? It can only be filled with God’s love. The longing you have for your ex-boyfriend? You can find that satisfaction through Christ. And what’s awesome is that you never have to worry about Him leaving you. Deuteronomy 31:6 NCV says, “I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.”

God’s love is an ocean; an earthly romance is just a raindrop. {click to tweet}

What more could we want from a boyfriend that God’s love doesn’t already offer?

Ephesians 3:18-21 NCV

And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God. With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine.

If you need any prayer or encouragement, please do not hesitate to send us a private email to more at moretobe dot com.  We will pray for you!

We also encourage you to download our Dating & Relationship resources
which will help you move forward with healthy steps in your future relationships.

Photo Credit:  Luis Sarabia

*Editorial Note:  After reading a comment from Ashley Schnarr, we realized we should clarify our position on depression. Please know that we believe depression is real and something that is felt in varying degrees, depending on circumstances as well as hormonal, chemical, and psychological factors. We believe that depression often requires the professional care of a doctor and therapists, even though we also support the belief that Scripture can and will transform our thinking and the Holy Spirit can use the Word to heal our wounded hearts.  We know, however, that in many cases the medical/physical side must to be treated first in order to move forward with the emotional/spiritual healing. If you feel yourself struggling with depression, even if it was only brought on by a break up, we urge you to speak with a doctor and a Christian counselor for help moving through this season in your life.

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2 thoughts on “Breaking Up: How to Find Healing After Heartache {Part 2}”

  1. I think this post is really good but one thing I wanted to point out is that depression isn’t necessarily wrong and in some instances it can not be avoided.

    Depending on the severity of the brake up or the circumstances surrounding it, it’s possible to get your hormones and chemical makeup out of whack. Sometimes we are unable to control the way our physical body reacts to trauma or high level grief. At this point a person needs to seek medical attention and visit a counselor so they do not hurt themselves or have lasting damage.

    I say this not because I want to be negative about your post. I think you shared some really great advice. I just want girls who are facing depression not to be embarrassed or ashamed to tell someone and get help. There is often a spiritual side to depression but other times it’s simply a medical reaction to high pressure. Either way there is hope and help.

    I hope that makes sense.

    1. Kristie Cocking

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post. We’ve added an editorial note on the post above, recognizing the wisdom in your words. Thanks again for commenting!

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