As I enter full-steam ahead into this holiday month, I am especially sensitive about the opportunity to intentionally mentor my daughters through the holidays. I want to help them embrace the fullness of remembering the Christ child’s birth, without heaping on extra responsibilities rooted in traditions that drain their schedules of rest and joy. The challenge, however, is that my three girls are in distinctly different developmental stages.
Through the Teens
My oldest, fourteen, and is already studying for finals while and working on a bio project, and yet rather spend her time watching football and catching up on sleep. She’s not so interested in making cookies or heading out to the Dicken’s Festival, so I need to keep her needs in mind when I’m planning for family time together.
- What is your teen focused on this month?
- Is she feeling overwhelmed or stressed by school work?
- What emotional needs require a bit more of your attention?
- How are her friends influencing her take on the holidays?
- What traditions might suit her best?
Those Transitioning Tweens
My middle daughter, who just turned 12, is still getting a grip on middle school academics while navigating the oh-so-unpredictable hormonal changes. She’s also a “doer” by nature, whose not yet learned how to pace her schedule and commitments, making the holidays a ripe time for burnout. If she has the chance to bake, shop, wrap gifts, and decorate all in a day, she’d be thrilled, but she’d also melt down at the hint of needing to clean up her room.
- What’s the state of your tween’s life?
- Is she crying at the drop of a hat?
- Does she feel stressed by increased homework load?
- Are friends draining her contentment tank with longing for gifts that out-compete?
- How can this season be rich in joy and not in tears for her?
Waiting in the Wings
My youngest daughter, a sprite of a eight year old longing to be 18, has her holiday mindset locked in on gift getting, not gift giving. One minute, her friends have her convinced that Santa is real, and the next moment she’s sweet talking her way into another big gift from her auntie. She is as excited about singing carols as she is about playing with her nativity, but her heart is mostly focused on receiving gifts.
- Is your little girl still enjoying the wonder of the season?
- Or is she getting caught up in the thrill of getting gifts?
- Is it time to teach her more about Jesus, beyond the cradle in the manager?
- Could it be time for her to start serving alongside of you an the outreach, giving away toys instead of focusing on getting them for herself?
Take Heart Momma, and Mentor
It would be so easy to simply throw up my hands and toss an apron over my head as I {emotionally} run from the responsibility of mentoring my daughters during the chaos of Christmas {stress}. Do you feel that way, too? Take heart, momma. We don’t need to do it all or do it perfectly! But we also don’t want to lose this precious opportunity to mentor the hearts and habits of our daughters!
These practical suggestions may not all be Christ-focused, but the idea is to spend time with our girls providing opportunities for conversations in which you can share and teach the things of Christ and the meaning of the season, and to train up their skills in the process.
Hot Chocolate Date
Surprise your daughter with a sweet cup of festive hot chocolate at home or in town as you give her your listening ear in the busyness of this month. Leave the agenda and purposeful lesson for another time, while offering her your most precious commodity — time.
Have Her Pick an Opportunity to Serve
She’s nearly grown up, yet her role in your family is still important, especially if she has younger siblings. Talk to your daughter about setting aside a time to spend with the family, serving or playing, in a way that appeals to her. Maybe it is doing her sister’s nails red on Christmas Eve. Maybe it is reading a couple of bedtime Christmas stories to her siblings. Possibly it is shopping and baking with you. Let her choose the what and when, and when she does, offer her the blessing of something special, like having her friends over for a Christmas cookie exchange or taking her out with a couple of other girls. Draw her into the family but also acknowledge she is growing up.
Baking Extravaganza, Her Way
Give up the gourmet cookies this year and let your daughter pick the recipe. Join her in a Christmas cookie baking extravaganza, teaching her the how-tos while also setting her free to run the show, and clean up the mess, too!
Make a Super SIMPLE Graham Cracker Gingerbread House
Make a no-bake graham cracker gingerbread house as a family project supervised by the older siblings. Have your tween or teen build the house and if there are little ones around, have them help them decorate.
Delegate the Details
Your daughter is becoming a young woman. Look for opportunities for her to join you in conquering your list, giving her responsibilities that train her up, whether it be shopping or making gifts together, writing out cards, baking, wrapping gifts, hosting a party. Her teachable years are running out, so pick one thing that you can teach her this yea, while letting go of your {possibly too high} expectations and nurturing her skill set.
Use Secret Somethings to Help the Serving Mindset
If gift getting is more important to her than giving and serving, try out our Secret Somethings tradition to re-focus her attention. This year, our family is embarking on the Secret Somethings tradition with a twist — we drew names for our stockings and will stuff them with the first 5 items on the list. Could that work for you, too?
You don’t have to do it all.
As you consider these options, stick with the KISS principle: keep it simple and sweet. As a matter of fact, don’t try to do it all. Prayerfully pick one suggestion for your daughter (and if you have lots, combine up ideas based on age and interests), seeking to mentor her heart for the Lord and train her up in experience holiday tradition with a healthy balance. (I encourage you to use these ideas to pursue opportunities with your sons, too!).
So, how will you go about mentoring your daughters through the holidays? Share your creative and thoughtful ideas in the comments below, including a link back to your blog post about it!
If you’d like practical ideas on how to mentor your daughters, grab a copy of Impact Together: Biblical Mentoring Simplified.
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