Let Your NO be NO: For When You Feel Pressured

Is this a familiar scenario?

Someone asks you to help out in a ministry, but you just don’t have the time. You say that you can’t do it. But the other person begins to apply pressure. They ask why you can’t… They try to tell you why your reason isn’t valid… They explain you really have more time than you think you do… They tell you it is really God’s will that you do what they want you to do… You feel guilty. You feel pressured. You feel like you are letting everyone down. You cave in and say, ‘yes’. You are burdened and overwhelmed.

There is one Holy Spirit, and other people aren’t Him!

When we are soft spoken or gentle people, it can be very easy for others to pressure us and very difficult for us to get them to accept our “No.” Even harder if they are determined people. Almost impossible if they are controlling. But the more we walk in the Spirit, the more we realize that we have only one Lord, the more we realize that letting others order our lives is akin to idolatry, the more we can begin to gain strength to “Let our yes’ be ‘yes’ and our ‘no’ be ‘no.'” (James 5:12 ESV)

It really boils down to this: who you are letting control your life?

Whether it is someone trying to convince us that we need to do a certain ministry, or a boyfriend pressuring us for sex, our lives belong to God. He alone is the One who has the final authority in our lives. But we seldom see our caving in as a point of idolatry. We think we are being flexible. We think we are being supportive. We think that we are putting the needs of others before our own. After all, that’s Biblical, right?

When we let other people pressure  us and determine God’s plan for our lives, we are making them an idol.

So how do we respond when others just do not want to take our “No” for an answer? We must ask ourselves some hard questions.

• What in my response makes them think I’m uncertain?
• Am I willing to follow God no matter what?
• Am I struggling with being a people-pleaser rather than a God-pleaser?
• Do I project the feeling that I want to be convinced?
• Have I continually allowed others to dictate my choices?
• Do I understand that, even if God has not said anything, that He gives me the right to say no?
• Is there a source of fear in my life that makes me afraid of people?

This hard look at ourselves will give us some insight into how we respond to others. Hopefully we can see what authority we have abdicated to others that belongs to God alone. Now we can begin to pray that God will change our hearts, that He will give us strength to follow Him alone. We must ask the Spirit to dig deep and transform our fear into faith. He is in the business of transformation – of changing us into the image of His Son. And He is longing for you to let Him work in your heart.

Don’t forget the armor of God!

This is a spiritual battle you are facing. Be sure you are equipped with the full armor of God. Purpose in your heart that you will not give God’s place in your life to anyone else.

For the Lord GOD helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced; therefore, I have set My face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed. Isaiah 50:7

I seldom experience others not accepting my answer of “No.” Over the years I’ve wondered why so many other friends of mine struggle with this but I don’t. I have decided it is how I say things. Even when I am uncertain, I speak with certainty. And when I do, others simply accept it. In the times when I’m feeling very guilty and find myself wavering, I realize that I cannot be trusted. So I will say that I need time to pray about it and ask my husband. And then I can say, “I’ve prayed about it and I’m going to say ‘no’. But thanks for asking.”

How can you make sure you are giving God alone authority in your life?

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If you’d like more encouragement on how to say NO, head over here.

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