When I was in eighth grade, I made a commitment: I would be stay single and not participate in the “high school dating game.” I had just broken up with my first real boyfriend and decided that I wanted my next boyfriend to be my future husband. I didn’t want to date several guys in my teen years and only have little to offer my future husband when I met him.
I also wanted to do as Song of Solomon 2:7 (MSG) suggests, “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”
This commitment to staying single, however, was not as easy as I thought it would be.
I knew I was saving myself a lot of heartache. I would watch as my friends went from one guy to the next, all the while gushing to me about how amazing their new boyfriend is: “He just makes me feel so … special. I just really think he’s the one.” Then they would say the same thing about another guy only a couple of months later.
Although I knew this “dating game” was pointless and silly, there was a part of me that was jealous. A part of me that wanted to feel the same way the other girls felt when they talked about how much they “loved” their new boyfriend.
But why did I feel this way when I knew that their relationship would most likely end in heartbreak?
God has given us—especially girls—a longing to feel understood, loved, and cherished. This is why it is so tempting to find a temporary fulfillment through dating.
So how can you resist the temptation to settle and instead find this fulfillment through Christ?
1) Remember that it’s only an illusion.
There is nothing a guy can give you that Christ has not already offered. God will reward you for developing a relationship with Him instead of rushing to find temporary “love.” He “rewards those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6 NKJV).
2) Keep in mind that the purpose of dating should be to prepare for marriage.
Dating without this intention prepares us more for divorce rather than marriage.
3) Stay grounded in Christ.
There are many books you could read on the subject of Christian dating during this time—my favorites includes: Praying for Your Future Husband and When God Writes Your Love Story. You could also check out our free resource on Relationships & Dating.
4) Last but not least, fall in love with Jesus.
Everything that you’re yearning for in a boyfriend can only be through Christ. Then, when God does bring your future husband into your life, you can date him for the right reasons: to give, share, and celebrate God’s love together rather, as opposed to satisfying your own desires to be loved.
No, staying single isn’t exactly easy. Especially as a teenager when you watch all of your friends go out with their boyfriends. But keep in mind that God is going to bless you for developing a relationship with Him first. Meanwhile, you are preparing your heart for your future husband’s.
When you do finally find the “man of your dreams,” the love that you will share with Him will be unearthly—not at all compared to that temporary, teenage romance that you might see in chick-flicks.
Matthew 6:33 NKJV
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Doesn’t that kind of relationship sound much better than dating someone who might be with another girl in a year—or even a few months or weeks from now?
Your heart is saved through grace. So keep the lock on it–consider staying single. Your future spouse is the only one who has the key. And the key is a cross.
The key is Christ.
Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
I challenge you…
Teens and tweens, with your mom, brainstorm a list of qualities that you would like for your future husband to possess, such as godly, patient, selfless, etc..
Moms, share your dating experience(s) and the lessons that you have learned with your daughter.
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I love this posting, Tessa! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and observations on teen dating. I would have to agree that we can only receive complete contentment just from God’s love, because His love for us is infinite. Therefore, I choose to also commit to sticking around by having God at my side through each season of my life, until He decides in His own perfect timing when I should meet my other half. 🙂
Thanks again for sharing! This post has helped to serve as a reminder, allowing me to consider who truly is more important; my Savior is! <3
I completely agree with this. Personally, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Sadly not because I was extremely wise and saw that staying single was better in the long run… but because I just didn’t want to. Every guy my friends introduced me to I could tell that it wouldn’t work out romantically. It would be best to just be friends. Thanks for this Tessa! This is really inspiring. This is a great reminder that we should love God above all else!
Great post, Tessa. I never dated as a teen, and I don’t plan to in the next few months of being a teenager. For the most part it was a personal choice, but the other part was that there was no one that I met in my teen years that I could see myself married to, and I didn’t feel God leading me in that direction. It was and still is very hard at times, and I fought jealousy many times over, especially when my best friend met and became engaged to the man God made for her.
I love the book recommendations you mentioned in your post, especially When God Writes Your Love Story, the Ludys have so many great books!
Thanks for the post 🙂