Imagine this scenario: You’re dropping your daughter off at a party this coming weekend at friend’s house, with the parents home, of course. There are girls and guys from her school invited, along with a few friends from the host’s youth group and summer camp. You watch your daughter run off to the backyard with the girls she knows from school, and then a few from the camp crash their circle. There’s this girl who sticks herself in the middle — she’s obviously the boss and about to figure out who’s who from the school crowd.
So, what does your daughter do next?
Does she step up and graciously extend her friendly side?
Does she slink back and wait for one of her bolder friends to make the next move?
Is she pushed aside?
Or does her bestie grab her arm and pull her into the circle?
It’s interesting to stop and think about how our girls (and even our sons) respond to the social play they are faced with everyday. Are they modeling what they see in us? Are they acting similar to what they see their older siblings doing? Or are they simply functioning within their God-given personalities?
Shaped by our God-given wiring along with the influences that have trained us up, we all respond uniquely to the social scripts that unfold in our circles. Our children are learning from us while figuring it out on their own as they are move through social situations every single day, often responding according to their natural, God-given personalities.
Sally Sanguine will bounce into the middle of a circle with words spewing out at the force of a fire hose.
Clara Choleric will stomp into her place and take a stand, either leading the conversation or stealing it away.
Molly Melancholy will need a hand to hold, likely overwhelmed by the clash of Sally and Clara.
Paige Phlegmatic will would rather sunbathe than deal with the social jockeying, but may jump into to make peace if things get to heated.
Each personality naturally plays its own part, only influenced to step up, down, back, or forward if they have been trained up to do so, in spite of a natural tendency. And yet, in addition to personality and training, there’s also another piece vying for position in the social circle dynamics — identity.
The Power Play of Identity
Regardless of personality style, each of us has the opportunity to embrace our God given identity and have that truth become the definition of who we are and how we interact with others.
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Instead of being defined by our weaknesses or strengths — all a part of our God-given personality — our abilities can be reframed as we see our lives through God’s grace and glory. Beyond our human skill set or natural tendencies, God will work in us to show His power and accomplish His purposes.
So imagine if our daughters embraced these truths for themselves so that they enter into their social circles with a God-given confidence. Maybe their reactions would look something like this:
Sally Sanguine might enter that circle of friends knowing she is CHOSEN by God to bring energy and joy to her friends through her bubbly personality, while also feeling more secure in Him so that she doesn’t become an approval addict.
Clara Choleric might enter that circle a bit more humbly knowing she’s been APPOINTED by God to lead, but not to be the one in control all the time.
Molly Melancholy might very well see her friends with a new found confidence, as she embraces the truth that begin FRIENDS with CHRIST meets one of her deepest needs.
Paige Phlegmatic might see her tendency to FORGIVE as a gift to give to others, but only because she knows what it means to be forgiven by God.
Knowing our identity in Christ changes the way we see life — that’s because truth transforms our living. That’s why we want to make it easy for you to share identity truths with your girls.
ID Cards Collection #2
We’re excited to offer the next collection of ID cards to our tribe this month! They are great to print out and hang up around your home. Make a banner and hang them above your daughter’s bed! Turn them into note cards or journal covers! {You can find the first collection here.}
To get this second collection for FREE, all you have to do is subscribe using your email address and you’ll find the link in your confirmation email. If you’re already a subscriber, you’ll find the link in the Wednesday Weekly email.
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And while we’re talking about personalities and identities, be sure to check out our Wired Up free download and the Journey to Freedom: A Bible Study on Identity for teen girls and 20 somethings. Both would make for great summer coffee dates and mentoring gatherings!
