Growing up, I daydreamed about going to college because it was something I wanted to do. After that my imagination jumped to wedding bells and baby carriages.
I did not anticipate a gap called my “single years.”
I don’t think I was the only young woman whose dreams consisted of wedding gowns and baby names. I remember in college issues of Bride magazine filling the decorative basket in my sorority sisters’ bathroom. College? Check. Now on to the next life goal . . . marriage.
But ten years passed from the time I graduated college to the time I got married. Ten years I didn’t anticipate. Ten years I certainly didn’t plan for. Moving from one one-bedroom apartment to the next, totaling six moves altogether. I didn’t know how to do singleness.
I didn’t know how to be content, grow roots, and thrive as a single woman.
Recently a reader asked the question, “If you could go back and invest in one area of your life differently, what would it be and why?”
By far my answer is my single years.
As with most life stages, your perspective is clearer when you’re not in it. That was true for me. When I got married I looked back at my single years through different lens, and a saw a life stage that wasn’t a curse but a blessing.
Singleness is a hard stage of life especially when it is prolonged for years. I don’t think anything can make the sting your heart feels for a husband and children go away completely except for that husband and those children. But singleness gives you a rare gift that you will not have after you’re married. It gives you the gift of time.
For most single people, including myself as a single woman, this gift of time is too much to handle. As we look into our futures time is all we see. And we freeze in fear. Fear to move forward because we don’t know what the future will bring. Fear to go deep because we may not like what we find. Fear to say no because what if we’re single forever. We waste a lot of time because we’re afraid. We take for granted what we’ve been given.
If I could go back to my single years I would not let time scare me.
I wouldn’t be afraid to make a decision because “What if I’m single forever?” or “What if I meet the man of my dreams next week?” or “What if no one will want to date me?”
Instead I would invest in those years by getting healthy . . . spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I would grow my relationship with Jesus. I would think about who He made me to be and what He wants me to accomplish on this earth. I would serve other people with my money and time more than I served myself.
It’s easy to get caught up in weekend upon weekend of Netflix binges. It’s easy to care more about looking a certain way or maintaining an image to attract men. It’s easy to compromise who you are as a person so that your pool of possible future husbands stays strong.
The hard part is facing the fear.
It’s looking into the seemingly endless amount of time you have and choosing to not be afraid, trusting that every moment has already been filled by God. And each moment is meant for your good and not your harm.
If you’re reading this and you’re not a single woman, but instead you’re a mother of daughters or a mentor, think about how you can prepare your daughter for singleness. In the Christian community especially, I think there is an assumption that our daughters will grow up and get married in their twenties. And even though I hope that for my daughters, I know that it’s not a guarantee. It’s important that we prepare our daughters for singleness by talking to them about the possibility.
How will they spend those years?
What should those years look like for a follower of Jesus?
How can they use those years for His glory instead of waste them?
God wants to use every part of your life for His glory regardless if you anticipated it or not. Invest in your single years so that they reflect Him and so that you won’t have any regrets.
