{Part 2} The Truth About Abuse: The Lesser Talked About Abuse

It happens frequently although we don’t like to talk about it.

Abuse.

We are finally getting to the point where we will talk about abuse within the home and schools, and have set up campaigns to free others from the industry that preys upon our innocent.

We have become more willing to talk about the major trespasses like those in authority who have been found to have acted sexually inappropriately with parishioners but even then some are reticent to believe that it happens in “their church.”

 

The Truth About Abuse: Part 2

 

Yet it’s time we also talked about the reality of spiritual abuse within the church and recognize it for what it is: an abuse of power or authority over another who is in a position of seeking healing and freedom.

I’ve seen numerous people in need of healing from their healing endeavors within the church:

The woman who has been told to stay within the emotionally and sexually abusive marriage and just pray harder.

The man who is told that his cancer is because of some area of sin in his life.

The woman who is told that she is barren because God wants to use her situation to teach others.

The child who is told that God took his mommy or daddy to heaven because He needed another angel.

The young lady who presented to the healing room and when she didn’t receive her physical healing was told “I don’t understand why God didn’t heal you, we’ve seen Him do it for countless others.”

Each of these situations represents real life situations. Tragically, each word left the individual in a worse emotional and spiritual condition than they originally presented. And sadly, each could have been avoided.

Each scenario represented a difficult life circumstance, often the unfathomable. Yet, if we are called to any degree of ministry, the unfathomable becomes the reality of many we will serve. These difficult and trying circumstances may not represent the reality to which we are accustomed, but they are someone’s reality. And we should seek to edify, exhort, and encourage, rather than diminish, demean, and devalue with our words of veiled religious counsel. I’ve seen many instances like those examples above, where people had to receive counseling to heal from the counsel they received at the words of those over them in the church.

I think so often such spiritually abusive comments come from a place of discomfort, misguidance, or worse, ignorance or a lack of empathy and compassion.

[Tweet “Our plumb line must always be Christ’s example.”]

Jesus always took the time to be in relationship as He looked into the hearts and the lives of those to whom He ministered.

[Tweet “Jesus always ministered from a place of truth but in compassion and love. So should we.”]

Sometimes the most abusive thing we can do is to speak when we don’t know what God would have us say.

It is better then to pray silently, sit with our brothers and sisters in their pain, laugh with those who laugh and weep with those who weep. Sometimes our companionable silence will be more healing than misguided words ever could be. It’s so important that we don’t take on the role of being someone else’s Holy Spirit and hear from God for them.

[Tweet “You may not know what to say, but you know the One who can help and who offers hope.”]

While God gives us His scripture as our source of direction and inspiration, a poorly timed or inappropriately applied scripture can be patronizing and abusive. Instead, show love. Love never fails. It is patient and kind, and never dishonors another. It is not self-seeking, or delights in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always trusts, protects, hopes, and perseveres. That’s our role. And when we are doing our role, we can be assured the Holy Spirit will do His role and comfort and lead into all truth. Christ loved extravagantly. As a church, that’s His call to us as well: not to judge, but to love extravagantly.

If you are one who has been the recipient of such spiritual abuse, may I step in for the person who inflicted such harm toward you, and may I say I’m so sorry you were wounded in that way?

Your healing, not only from whatever your original trial was, but also from such spiritual abuse is now of utmost importance. I’d encourage you to pray earnestly for our Heavenly Father to show you what lies have been spoken over you so that you can renounce those lies and come out of agreement with them.

Search the scriptures for God’s truth to replace those lies.

Always stand on His truth—Remember, only what He says about you matters.

I’d also encourage you to forgive whomever used their position of spiritual authority over you in an inappropriate way and hurt your heart. Release them into God’s hands to deal with, and free them from your heart where a seed of bitterness would otherwise have room to grow. And if you need help weathering the storm, seek God and Godly Christian counsel.

Because of Him, #HopePrevails!

Dr. Michelle Bengtson

 

Join us for Part 3: Helping Our Daughters How to Guard Against Spiritual Abuse.  

 

Michelle Bengston

About Dr. Michelle Bengston

Author, speaker and board certified clinical neuropsychologist, Dr. Michelle Bengtson is also a wife, mother and friend. She knows pain and despair firsthand and combines her professional expertise and personal experience with her faith to address issues surrounding medical and mental disorders, both for those who suffer and for those who care for them. She offers sound practical tools, affirms worth, and encourages faith. Dr. Michelle Bengtson offers hope as a key to unlock joy and relief—even in the middle of the storm.  Connect with her at DrMichelleBengtson.com.

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