I honestly asked the Lord this morning, “If I jump up and down and throw a temper tantrum, will you give me my way?” I was desperate, with a capital “D.”
You see, what I wanted, I knew He could do. Because He can do anything, right?
All I was asking Him to do was not let my kids grow up and leave the nest. I didn’t think that was a lot to ask. I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to my oldest son as he embarked out on his life journey – far away from me. I’d spent 22 years pouring into this kid and now I genuinely liked him and wanted to have him around.
Never in a million years thought I would be one of “those” mothers.
The kind that cry when their kids graduate, cry when they go off to college, cry when they move away, and cry at their weddings (I haven’t done that one YET!). But am one of “those” mothers. I don’t know how it happened. I keep telling myself that I don’t even like kids. But my heart keeps saying something else. I think that’s why the bible says it’s deceitful.
When my oldest son graduated from high school four years ago, I would find myself crying in the middle of the grocery store as I looked at a favorite food of his that I no longer needed to purchase. I don’t think I will ever forget how I felt or how he looked as he walked away from me when we left him on his college campus. I thought my heart would break.
I survived that experience and I imagine, with God’s help, I will survive this one as well. At 6:30 this morning the car service came to pick up my son to take him far away from me. I could not be prouder of the young man that he has become and all that he has accomplished already.
I also know that God has great plans for his life . . . I was just pleading with the Lord to include me in those plans.
As I wiped away my tears and contemplated my life without him, I realized that I had a choice. I could choose to look at what I have deemed as loss and focus on MY pain and MY plans, or I could fix my eyes on Jesus and trust that HE has a perfect plan.
It sounds so simple. Because it is that simple. I had a choice.
[Tweet “I could wallow in my pain, or I could trust my redeemer. “]
I could focus on my problem, or I could look to the only One who has a solution.
If I keep my eyes earth-focused, I will always see the pain and problems. But if I keep my eyes heavenward, I will see His great promises and plan.
He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me. He’s the only one who can make that promise and the only one I should expect to keep that promise. And if I want to grieve the end of my son’s childhood and that season of our lives, He will hold me while I cry and understand the pain of my loss. He will also give me new people to love and new lives to touch, if my heart is open. It is totally my choice.
So, I can throw my temper tantrum and become bitter, sad, and angry that I did not get my own way, or I can look to Jesus and thank Him for giving my son to me to have and to hold for the time I had him and be grateful for every moment that comes next in this journey.
[Tweet “The hardest part of motherhood, I have discovered, is the letting go. “]
But it’s one of the most important parts. If we don’t let go, our children will never be who God created them to be and they may never discover His hand to hold because they are clinging too tightly to ours!
Just as we ask our children to trust us as their loving parents, we have to trust our loving heavenly Father that he knows what’s best for them and for us.
So, no more temper tantrums. It’s time to put away the tissues and ask Him what’s next. Our life is not over. This new season will be different — maybe even better — motherhood has a way of molding us in ways we never dreamed or imagined!
Look out world, ready or not, here I come!!
In what ways is God moving you into or out of a new season in motherhood? How are you trusting God in that transition process?