I will be a woman of my word.
Verse
Matthew 5:37 NIV
All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
God, this is such a simple instruction but so hard to carry out. As emotional beings, we’re driven all too often by what we feel. And our feelings all too often sway our decisions. Our “yes” becomes a “well, now I can’t” and our “no” becomes, “well, maybe I can.”
Oh goodness, Lord, we need your help. There is no way our decisions can be steadfast without you, especially when the enemy is out to make us hypocrites and cause division in our relationships over broken promises.
Please give us the wisdom to wait until we’re sure before we say “yes.”
And give us the strength to say “no,” even if the pull or pressure is strong to give in.
God, please make us women of our word . . . women yielded to your Word.
In the Strong Name of Jesus, Amen.
I hate being in a situation of having to go back on my word, and yet, I’ve been in that kind of situation more times than I care to count. One particular experience stands out most with both regret and yet gratefulness to the Lord. I made a commitment to serve a three-year term on the Women’s Ministry Team at my church. How I coveted that opportunity for more than a decade.
Clue number on that my motives might have skewed my ability to make a wise choice.
Oh, I prayed and sought counsel before making the decision, but the problem I was easily swayed by the desire for validation and value, for acceptance and approval. Even though I was l aware that the responsibilities would impact my priorities as a momma of littles, I was also itching for something to put my hands to besides housework and mothering. Looking back, I wonder if I only sought advice from those I thought would support my decision to say “yes.”
Oh yes, even in seeking counsel, we can be manipulative. Have you been guilty of doing the same?
One older gal said to me, “It’ll be good for you to get and out do something for yourself.” Another woman said, “Your children need to know you have a life apart from them.” Another said, “You’ll be able to give more back to your family if you’re doing something to stimulate your mind.” And the one response that was most compelling to me was, “You’ll be teaching your girls by example what it looks like to serve.”
In seeking counsel, I received plenty of advice. But I didn’t need advice. I needed wisdom. I needed discernment. I needed to be challenged to consider my limitations, my family needs, and our core values.
None of these well-meaning gals took into consideration the intricacies of my life or what God wanted of me. They imparted their values, and that, my friend, is never helpful. That’s also the problem with advice-giving! And it’s why I’m so passionate about the value of life coaching built upon the principles of answering open-ended questions to arrive at the ah-ha solution.
Questions like these would have made the world of difference:
- What will it cost you to say “no”?
- What will it cost you to say “yes”?
- What about this role makes you want to say “yes”?
- What will be the impact on your family?
- How do you feel about the timing of this opportunity?
- How do you feel you can contribute based on the state of your heart? Spiritual maturity? Emotional reserves? Physical and practical limitations?
- Is there another way you can satisfy your desire to get involved without making such a commitment?
- What does your husband have to say about this?
- How does this fit with your core values?
- How does this fit with your family’s mission and priorities?
If I had taken time the time to consider even a few of these questions, I would have said “no” because the answer was as plain as day. It was not a good fit for my kiddos in that season of their life. Plus, the way I was currently serving my husband and our mission as a family to be “all in” with him through serving at a boarding school was already consuming. Ultimately, I had to find that out for myself in a very painful, teary, year-long heartache that began within months of saying “yes.”
My pride and commitment to be a woman of my word, kept me hanging on for another six months, even though I knew it was damaging my relationship with my middle daughter. She needed me in a way I didn’t want to be needed. And it took a mighty act of the Lord to convict me to the point of being willing to let go of the ministry role, along with the grace and urging from my husband that it was okay to resign.
It was the most embarrassing and humbling time of my life. I felt like I failed my church and the women on my team. I felt like I failed God. It took years for the shame to be replaced by grace, as I realized that God was teaching me a valuable lesson that has proved beneficial a bazillion times over.
While I had to turn my “yes” into a “no,” I came to see how important it is for my “yes” and “no” to be more thoughtfully prayed through and guarded against the enemy’s attempt to derail my life and God’s purposes.
Yes, our flesh won’t always heed the Spirit’s leading. Out motives can easily derail us from the course God wants us to take. Our friends can lead us in the wrong direction. But the good news is that God can take our yielded hearts and accomplish His redemptive purposes in our live as we seek to be women of our word.
When it comes to making decisions, how have you been derailed by the enemy? What can you do in the future to make wiser choices, so that your “yes” and “no” can be your word?
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If you struggle to know what you should say “yes” to and when you should say “no,” you might benefit by establishing your core values. I can help you do just that through life coaching. You can jump start the process by completing this form. I will followup up with you to book your free consultation session and discuss the best coaching package for you.
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