My mama’s heart hurt for my 14-year-old daughter as we drove to her last soccer game of the season. She had been a starter the year before, but for whatever reason, she had been a bench warmer this year. A few new girls had joined the team, but she didn’t feel like they were any better than she was, so she questioned the coach’s judgment in keeping her on the sidelines. She kept reiterating that she just wanted the coach to put her in so she could prove herself. She wanted to show him how hard she worked on the field and how determined she was to give it all she had.
The protective mama side of me wanted to magically fix everything.
I wanted to convince the coach that “my girl” was just as good as his starters, if not better, and that she deserved a shot on the field just as much as the other players.
On the flip side, the mentoring mama in me recognized this as a perfect opportunity to help her look at the situation from another perspective. I acknowledged that her frustration and disappointment were real, but then we talked about the importance of her accepting whatever position she was given, whether it was playing on the field or cheering her team on from the sidelines. We also discussed how comparing herself to the other girls on the team wasn’t getting her anywhere.
She was doing her best, and that’s all she could do.
We wrapped up the conversation just as we pulled into the school parking lot. Then a thought struck me.
I often cry out to God to fix the heartache of my life.
I want Him to cut a clear path through the woods so I can go for a nice walk without getting tripped up on roots or poked by branches.
Just like my daughter wanted everything to work out so she could be a starter. I want God to make everything right in my life and take out the unpleasant moments. As God listens to me share my troubles with Him, I believe there is a side to Him that wants to make everything right and perfect as a protective mama would do. And yet, He is an all-knowing God who loves us enough to be more like a mentoring mama and help us to work through our problems instead of waving a magic wand to make them disappear.
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If you have ever watched a potter working with clay, you know that molding a lump of clay into a beautiful pitcher or bowl doesn’t just happen in the blink of an eye. It takes a careful and steady hand to form the clay a little bit at a time. Isaiah reminds us of this beautiful analogy when he declares that the Lord is “our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand” (64:8, NLT).
Although there are countless days I wish I were sailing on a sea of glass instead of a stormy ocean, I trust in a sovereign God who is walking with me through the trials, as any good mentor does, and encouraging me to keep going.
I pray that as I live life with my children, I will intentionally mentor them through the challenging days instead of being a protective mama bear.
Please don’t get me wrong. There are situations and times to be protective and do everything in your power to shield your children. However, too often we want to straighten out the curvy road and get rid of all the potholes instead of traveling the road with our daughter and teaching her how to navigate the bad days.
Jesus made it very clear that we will have “trials and sorrows” on this earth (John 16:33). Fortunately, the hardship comes with a promise—“but take heart, because I have overcome the world” (Ibid.). Not only do we have the assurance of salvation, but as we are walking through the difficult days, God promises to be with us (Isaiah 43:1-2).
God is the perfect mentor, and we can follow His example.
We don’t have to fix our children’s problems.
We just have to be there and walk beside them, helping them process their feelings and guiding them to respond in a godly way.
May we embrace our role as mentoring mamas to our children and the young women God places in our lives.
To learn how to mentor your daughters and sons, grab a copy of Impact Together: Biblical Mentoring Simplified and enroll in the online, self-paced Impact Mentor Training course.
