10 Ways to Become a Better Listener

Would you agree that it is rare to find someone who knows how to listen intentionally?

Listening is an art form as much as it is a skill.

It is a gift to bestow on those we love.

But the challenge is that most of us really don’t know how to listen well. It doesn’t help that it’s actually more of our cultural norm to talk over each other. How many times in a dinner-table conversation with our families or friend do we talk over each other or blatantly interrupt?

One generation after another has crumbled in their communication skills.

We can blame it on the culture and technology, but that’s not going to stop the curve. The change needs to start with us choosing to become active and engaged listeners. As a certified life coach and life coach instructor, it’s fair to say I’m skilled in the art of listening well. So how about I offer you some tips to help you grow as a better listener?

 

10 Ways to Become a Better Listener

 

10 Ways to Become a Better Listener

1. Consider Your Countenance

What is your body language as you engage in a conversation? Consider how your stance and posture invites the other person to lean in or hold back.

2.  Engage Your Eyes

Listening is a physical act that requires eye contact, so look at the other person and notice their eyes, body language, and words.

3. Slow Down

Do you tend to be a fast talker or worry about what you’re going to say next? Slow down what you’re saying and keep yourself from rushing ahead to think about what you’re going to say next.

4. Embrace the Silence

Is it hard for you to concentrate on what someone is saying when there is background noise, side conversations, or visual distractions? That’s okay! Admit it and see if you can find a quieter place to talk.

5. Ask Open-End Questions

What is the other person actually saying? Instead of trying to think of what you should say, ask questions to encourage them to share more and offer clarity. To become really good at asking open-ended questions, instead of a close-ended question that leads to a “yes, no, or I don’t know,” start your question with a “who, what, when, where, and how.”

6. Avoid the Why, But Go After It

Curiosity is what makes us engage in conversation. We want to know the “why”! But when you ask, “Why . . . did you do that, think that, pursue that . . . “, it puts a person on the defensive. So instead, reshape your “why” question with a “who, what, when, where, and how” or “Tell me more about that . . .” response.

7. Restate What You Hear

Help the person feel heard by restating what you hear and expressing compassion when appropriate.

8.  Ask Permission

If you want to share something personal that you think may be helpful, ask permission before doing so, because it will make them more engaged with what you’re saying.

9.  Skip the lecture

To be an effective listener often means restraining yourself from seizing the moment to teach a point or principle. It doesn’t mean you can’t teach, but be cautious about your timing and sensitive to whether the person is in a teachable spirit.

10.  Forget Your Story, But Remember His

A good listener needs to forget that they have a story to share, even though that is a natural and good desire. So if this is a struggle for you, try to remember that your willingness to be a good listener is a sacrificial gift that reflects the heart of your Savior.

Listening requires giving up ourselves and our agenda in order to acknowledge the needs of those who desperately long to be heard.

May you not only grow as a more effective listener but also be blessed with God provided good listeners in your life.

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If you’d like to grow as a listener, you’d love the life coach training course.

Learn more about the coach training course here.

And if you’re craving being heard, I’d be happy to chat with you about how life coaching can meet this need.

Book a Free Consultation

 

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