As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I gave notice to my boss with the full intention to be a stay-at-home mom. But over the next six months, the lie that “I’d become obsolete” seeped into my thinking and the pressure to hang onto freelance work mounted.
Somehow, I was able to count the cost of missing out on work but not motherhood.
It wasn’t until years later when that little baby turned six and I was in the midst of caring for my baby twins that I realized how much I gave up. All those hours poured into that website design, while bouncing my baby girl on my lap, vanished into cyberspace.
Even so, I still felt pulled in opposite directions — wanting to be fully present in the very important work of motherhood and yet wanting more than just motherhood.
Can you relate? I wanted to be an “all in” mom, but that didn’t stop my longing for something more. At first, blogging felt like a good outlet, but it soon became a distraction and then an idol causing me to push off my kiddos with “one more minute” delays. I was like Jacob wrestling with God. I wanted His blessing on motherhood work, but I didn’t want to surrender to the most important mission that was before me.
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