Recently I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about my son getting a girlfriend and my reaction to the news.
But what I didn’t address is the heart issue.
For me, it’s all about being in control.
I am no longer in control of my kids’ lives! When they were very young, I controlled what they ate, what they did, who their friends were, etc. I had a whole lot of control. Sometimes so much so that it was overwhelming for me as a mom.
At some point when I felt out-of-control, I realized that although I may be somewhat in control of their lives, if I want to be a good mom, I had to relinquish total control to the Lord.
Oh, that was so hard for this control freak!
If I can control the things in my life, I feel happy and balanced. There are no surprises and nothing to send me into a tail-spin. There are no by-the-way’s and I-forgot’s. There are no just-in-cases or sudden changes.
Basically, if I am in control, there is no life!
Life is full of change and surprises and unexpected events – both good and bad.
Imagine your life with just the things that you can control.
Imagine that God gave you everything you asked for just when you asked for it.
Imagine, well, imagine you are God.
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want His job!
I am grateful, albeit reluctantly at times, that I don’t have to be in control.
That I have a Heavenly Father who knows what’s best for me and my kids. He loves me and them even more than I do. In His word, God tells us we have been given a Spirit of love (2 Timothy 1:7). What a word picture that paints in my mind. Could I be any more loved? Could my kids?
In John 17:22, Jesus tells His Father, “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one.” Wow! The glory of God. What a gift. I can be one with God. I don’t have to be God, but I can be one with Him. Imagine that. I don’t have to control everything and everyone in my life. If I am truly one with Him, then I have nothing to fear, worry about, or stress over. Whatever happens today, He is in control of.
Control isn’t something God wants us to use to manipulate people or rein over them.
The only thing God tells us in His word to control are our tongues and our minds. And if we are one with God and we have given those two things under His control, then when we speak and act, we will glorify Him and not be looking to please or gratify ourselves.
As a mom, it’s easy to get sucked into that lie that I have to control my children’s behavior because it’s a reflection on me. Now I can tell people it’s God’s fault when they don’t do well–or God’s doing when they do well!
I can’t control my adult children anymore than I can control the wind. Yes, I can try to manipulate them and influence their choices and try to control them. But, ultimately, they have their own free will. Like my Heavenly Father, I have to allow them to exercise that.
I have to relinquish control to God and trust that, if I have been the mother God called me to be, then my faithful prayers through the years will prevail (James 5:16). And God’s promise in his Word that if I “teach them in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it” will come true (Proverbs 22:6).
I encourage you to pray for your children with other moms. Consider joining a Moms In Prayer group in your area. As you join together with one heart and bring your children to the throne of glory, your life will change as well. It’s such a blessing to leave our burdens at the cross. And when someone helps us carry them there, our load is lightened even more.
And for those control freaks like me out there, when your child has their first boyfriend/girlfriend – just pray that the person won’t be anything like you!