This past November my husband and I welcomed our first baby, a baby girl, into our home. She is a complete joy! As I anticipated her birth, I thought I knew a lot about babies. I thought I would understand her every coo, every whimper, every cry. I thought I would know how to soothe her when she was tired or agitated or bored. I thought it would be easy to play with her, talk to her, and hold her all day long if she needed.
And I thought I wouldn’t need any help.
After all, I knew a lot about babies.
Then I had one.
I think the same is true for every stage we anticipate as mothers. We think we know a lot about the stages our daughters will go through. Then when they’re upon us, we realize that we don’t know much at all – especially if their path doesn’t look like our own.
Starting out with baby girls in our arms, we have hands full of dreams for their lives. Sometimes these are the dreams that we wished for ourselves. Many times they are dreams from the expectation of “that’s just the way it’s supposed to be.” Or maybe they are dreams from our own personal convictions.
My mom probably fell into one of these categories. She may have just assumed I would grow up, go to college, and get married.
Except God had a different plan for me.
I grew up and went to college, but I didn’t get married right away. Unlike my mom, who got married at 18, I lived the life of a single woman until I was 32.
As I think about my baby daughter’s future, I’m no different. I already have expectations of what I hope her life will be like.
Our dreams, however, do not always correspond to God’s ultimate purpose. <–click to tweet
How God wants to intertwine our daughter’s stories in His story is really up to Him. Maybe they won’t get married when we think they should. Maybe they get married later in life. Maybe they don’t get married at all. This thought might bring out deep convictions in some moms or even leave some feeling scared.
Be the Mom…But Trust God Write Her Story
From a daughter who experienced singleness far longer than I or my mom expected, here are some suggestions for being a mom to a single woman.
- Remind her often of her worth. Plant seeds of God’s truth in her mind.
- Encourage her to live a BIG life. A life full of purpose and service and even risk.
- Help her discover her purpose in this present life season based on her spiritual gifts and talents.
- Remember that her life is for God’s glory, not to satisfy your dreams for her or your dreams for yourself (for instance to be a grandmother).
- Teach her how to choose a godly man. Gently show her red flags in relationships when they come up.
- Talk well of marriage even if your own marriage is/was challenging.
- Explain the reality that Paul talks about in Corinthians 7 regarding singleness and marriage.
- Expect that God will send His best to her and that she will choose His best for her. Don’t give messages that she may need to settle.
- Help her to believe that she is worthy of marriage regardless of her shortcomings. We all fall short.
- Don’t nag her about dating and marriage. Let her lead the conversation.
- Continue to lead her towards becoming a godly wife and mother.
- Talk to her and spend time with her as much as possible.
- Speak messages of hope to her.
- Build trust with her.
- Love her fully and deeply.
As mothers of daughters, we have to learn to be a mom to the daughter whose story God designed – not the daughter with the story we designed for her.
This story may include following the path you took. It may include following the dreams you have for your daughter. But it may include neither.
We have to embrace her story, written by God, and still strive to be the mother she needs us to be today.
Moms, how can we pray for you today, as you seek to be the mom your daughter needs?
