I am so insecure! How can I stay away from influences that lead me astray?

Well say hello to Miss Insecurity!  I remember my first time recognizing that I was insecure in middle school.  Our classes were very small – mine was 21 students at its best.  Some girl friends of mine were talking about all the fun they had hanging out over the weekend, and I felt hurt for not having been included.  All of a sudden with that hurt came a swelling of emotion as I felt angry and bitter, and also confused, ” Why had they excluded me?  Wasn’t I good enough?”  Later that night, as I fought against the struggle to not grow bitter and angry, I realized that the reason I was upset was because I was afraid of losing friends.  I thought, “There is something about me that they find less appealing than what they see in each other, and I am in danger of losing some of the only friends I have.”  But the truth is that they didn’t mean to slight me or intentionally exclude me, it just happened.  I started to see that I put so much hope in relationships I had with people, that if a relationship ever changed or went away, my sure footing would be ripped out from under me.  I needed something stronger to put my focus on.

There are so many, many areas of our lives in which we can be insecure.  In middle school, my main concern was how my behavior affected my friendships.  I was always wondering, “Why am I unable to keep friends?  Am I awkward or ugly or weird?” Now as a young married woman, I worry about whether my house is neat enough or the meals I make are acceptable within our social circle.  And I have left a wide trail of insecurity in all the years between.

In order to conquer insecurity, we must accept two facts:

1. We are not alone in our insecurity, even though we feel like it.
2. Insecurity is not a phase, it’s a sin.

This may sound harsh, but bear with me.  Being insecure means that we have taken our eyes off the cross and put it on our ourselves.  It means that the uncertainty of acceptance from our peers us has earned a higher place in our hearts than the certainty of our Father’s immeasurable love for us.  We idolize our place in others’ hearts more than our guaranteed inheritance within God’s Kingdom, promised to us in Ephesians 1:13-14,

“In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

We are commanded to keep our focus on that goal of being with Jesus, not only in the future but also right NOW.  We are to

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2.

When we fail to do set our minds on things above, we are sinning.  End of discussion. Whether or not we consider ourselves to be “bad” people, it is so important, that we own our sin if we ever hope to recover from it.

If you’re feeling really heavy at this point (sin talk tends to do that to us), there is hope!  1 John 1:9 has a promise for us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Cast your cares and worries upon the Lord, because he loves you and wants to redeem you from the sin you find yourself in!

Fight the Battle of Insecurity

Follow these practical steps to help you say “no” to insecurity:

1. Again, own it. 
   Don’t blame it on things others have done (though they may have been legitimately hurtful) – focus only on your reaction to them.  Ask God for forgiveness when you recognize that you are putting your trust in what others think, your appearance, behavior, etc, and ask His help to move on in grace.
2. Most importantly, take it to the Father.
   Make sure to spend regular time alone with the Lord in His Word, in prayer, and just being still before Him.  Feel free to focus on passages that pertain to your struggle, and maybe pick one or two to memorize so you can repeat them to yourself during the day if you’re confronted with temptation.
3. Pinpoint the specifics. 
   Figure out where the strongest focus of your insecurity lies.  Is it in the way you look?  The way you act?  How many friends you have?  How you do in school?  This is a huge part of being real and honest with yourself.  It may be a little painful to dig through these parts of your heart, but the digging will bring healing!
4. Eliminate the influence. 
   Care too much about your body image?  Maybe a good idea is to stop reading magazines with pictures of thin, pretty, stylish (airbrushed, ahem) women.  We hear about this being a temptation for guys, but do we ever think about it being a temptation for us to look a certain way?  Is your struggle grades?  Try taking your report card straight to your parents without looking at it for a little while.  Look for areas of academics that are fun because you enjoy them, not because you can crunch out a good GPA.  Whatever your area of struggle, be creative!  Try and figure out ways to eliminate sources of temptation.
5. Talk to someone.
   Don’t ever try and battle these things alone!  God has provided us with mentors, friends, parents, leaders in the church to help keep us accountable.  Pick one or two people and tell them about your struggle, asking them to both pray for you and to check in with you (once a week, once every couple of days, once a month, your pick).

As you step into this challenge to fight the battle of insecurity, remember that you cannot do this alone.  God is the only one with the power to heal our brokenness – we just have to step out in faith, trusting that He will be faithful and that He has His hands actively in our lives.  And don’t expect an overnight recovery!  With each new stage of life come new things to be insecure about.  But by seeking a strong foundation now, we will be better equipped to fight those battles as they come!

Answered by Jess

Jess spent her childhood years in South Carolina, where her dad was a pastor and her mom home schooled her and her brother. It was there that she entrusted her life to Christ. At the start of middle school, God moved her and her family to the Middle East, where she went to school and lived on an oil compound for three years. At age 15, she left her family for boarding school in New York, where she met Elisa and had her first experience of being mentored, right on her couch! She went back to South Carolina for college, where she majored in English and worked heavily with Campus Crusade for Christ (now known as Cru). In her senior year she (very quickly) met, fell in love with, and became engaged to her best friend, Andrew. Early married life has been incredible as well as challenging! Prior to marrying Andrew, God has taken Jess all over the world, from service visits to orphanages in Uganda and Morocco to mission trips in the Middle East. [/framed_box]