Recently I had the privilege of leading a focus group discussion with a group of high school girls. The topic was centered around the increase in youth violence. I wanted to find out from the girls why they believed violence was increasing in schools and within their population in general.
I was amazed at where the conversation ended up.
I thought for sure the girls would blame the media, citing video games, gory movies, and grisly news coverage. Or maybe they’d blame it on a decrease in confidence among young people, citing a corresponding increase in bullying and the need to defend oneself from it. But to my surprise, they didn’t raise any of these issues.
They blamed their parents.
As the conversation became more intimate, the girls began to open up about what goes on in their own homes. They said that they were consistently disappointed with how busy and distracted their parents have become. They said that their parents are always on their computers or iPhones. Some of the girls said they can go an entire evening at home without speaking a word to their parents, and they didn’t believe their parents even noticed. They felt like their parent’s jobs, committee work, volunteer schedule, and social calendars were more important than they are.
They felt invisible.
The girls believed this isolation was at the heart of the spike in youth violence and was a key driver in many other issues of teen angst. These girls had more insight than I could’ve imagined.
As I sat there in this room full of girls picking apart their home lives, I realized how hungry they were to belong, how much they long to be loved. They want to feel cherished. They want to feel full.
Our children are crying out for attention. Our children long for depth in our relationships with them. Our children are hungry for love.
Jesus took time with each of the disciples — his spiritual children. He took the time to mentor, rebuke, correct, love, and encourage each of His children, just as He does with us today. He knew that before long He would leave this earth physically and return to the Father. Even though Jesus knew His time with His disciples was short, He understood that it took intentional investment to get to the heart. He took that time. He modeled parenting to us.
Will you give them what they want and need?
As we consider the response of the girls in my discussion group and the example Jesus set for us in parenting, can I humbly ask you these very difficult but life-changing questions?
Will you please lay down your iPhones, computers, and social calendars to fully invest in your kids?
Will you give your children time to look you in the eye and hear encouragement from your lips?
Will you commit to guide your child as they traverse the quagmire that comprises the teenage years?
Will you lay down your desires, your wishes, and your dreams for your kids?
Will you lay down your life for your kids?
Will you be Jesus to them?
Don’t let one tweet, one phone call, or one deadline get in the way of being with your child.
They long for your wholehearted attention.
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
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Today’s Mentoring Monday’s Link Up…
For today’s Mentoring Mondays link up, we’re going to do something entirely different. If you’re ready to answer Mandy’s call to give your teens {actually all your kids} your time and intentional focus, sign the link up below!
If you have a blog, post the M.O.M. Challenge badge, on your sidebar or in a post, and link up to your site. If you don’t have a site, just link up with your name or to one of your social media profiles.
Let’s join together with a renewed commitment to be intentional with our kids.
This post made my stomach flip. I don’t want to be that mom – but it’s so easy to do! Thank you for the reality check.
Mandy, I am so grateful for your words here–and for your heart, fighting for our children, and for our own hearts, as moms. As a mom who seeks to parent holding fast to Jesus’ hand, I still need these reminders. And I love the heart of More to Be, gathering up moms and teens to let them know they are not alone in these trials. Thank you for your wisdom, friend.