What qualities should I look for in a guy I want to date or marry?


I’ve never met a person who didn’t want to find someone to love and be loved by. Romantic love is precious, a prize to be cherished. Think over the many fairy tales circulating in our literature. Isn’t finding “true love” one of the common themes?

So, with all this love in the air, shouldn’t finding it for ourselves be simple? Maybe, but it wasn’t for me.

Looking for love (in the wrong places?)

When I was a younger woman, I knew I wanted to find love, but wasn’t sure what to look for in a guy. I thought love was something that depended on attraction, that spark of interest that sent electric current racing over my skin and out my toes.

And that caused me some heartache.

Please, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. Physical attraction is an amazing gift from God, in the right circumstances. But I discovered I needed to look deeper, at the heart and mind, when entering a relationship. That initial spark of emotion wasn’t dependable. It always faded. Sometimes I felt attracted to guys who were not good for me, and once I allowed myself to become involved with them, I caused myself more pain getting out.


What should you look for in a guy?

What should you look for in a guy?

There’s a longer, more detailed list coming, but first let’s look at the basics.

“The crucial point is whether this [guy] loves and pursues God with his whole heart and submits to God’s authority and direction for his life.”*

The above quote covers a lot, doesn’t it? So, let’s unpack it a bit.

  1. Pursuing God.
    Our relationship with Jesus should be the most significant one in our lives, so it makes sense to marry someone who shares that belief. In this, you will both be pursuing the same ultimate goal: a deeper relationship with Jesus.
  2. Submitting to God’s authority.
    This means understanding God makes the rules, not us. This does not mean your guy is weak or without boundaries. Nor does it mean he has everything figured out. What I mean is that he is not full of himself or prideful. He knows he has personal growth ahead of him.
  3. Self-control.
    Part of submitting to God is exhibiting self-control. Whether it’s with food, alcohol, sexuality, spending, or his temper, someone who refuses to control his own appetites is not someone with whom you will have peace.

Though not an exhaustive list, the above qualities can tell us a great deal about a person’s character. Not that he will have everything figured out. (None of us do; that’s why we need Jesus.) Nor will he be perfect.

[Tweet “We all make mistakes. Only Jesus is perfect.”]

But I would look for signs of the above characteristics. Does he admit when he is wrong? Does he say no to impulses (exhibiting self-control), or does he demand others give him what he wants (exhibiting pride)? Does he understand who he is in Jesus, an imperfect person who needs the grace and love of Christ? Or does he expect things of you and others he does not expect of himself (pride)?

Making a list and checking it . . . .

The following is a checklist** of attributes you might want to look for in a guy, or what you might want to consider when making your own list. But remember, no one is perfect.

Does he . . .

  1. ­­__ Not only profess Christianity, but desire to be like Christ?
  2. __ Tell the truth?
  3. __ Demonstrate wisdom and discernment? (Make good choices?)
  4. __ Have a heart to do what is best for you?
  5. __ Possess a sensitive conscience in regard to right and wrong?
  6. __ Refuse to use you or others to gain status?
  7. __ Have the approval of the significant people in your life?
  8. __ Have a reputation of keeping commitments?
  9. __ Display follow-through in meeting obligations?
  10. __ Show respect toward authority?
  11. __ Have a positive outlook on life?
  12. __ Exercise discipline and self-control?
  13. __ Manage money well?
  14. __ Interact courteously with others?
  15. __ Demonstrate humility?
  16. __ Have an active Bible study and prayer life?
  17. __ Display evidence of the Holy Spirit in his life according to Galatians 5:22-23?

Other signs of compatibility . . .

  1. __ Do you enjoy doing boring things together?
  2. __ Do you have interests in common?
  3. __ Do you find him interesting?
  4. __ Do your life goals mesh?

The BIG Challenge

Above all of this, we should ask ourselves: do we fit the above list? If a guy saw this list, would he be able to check off the items when thinking about us?

Proceed with Caution

Physical relationships blur clear thinking. They can also make you feel connected to or bound to a guy you shouldn’t be. This is another reason to keep clear boundaries on your physical interactions until you are married.

One last note on romance . . .

[Tweet “The only perfect romance we will experience is with Jesus.”]

Yes, it’s a different kind of romance, obviously. Not physical. Instead, it is the romance of our soul with the one who was willing to die so we could spend eternity with him.

Jesus is the only one who will never forget us, never fail us, sacrificed himself for us, and brings us ultimate peace and joy that surpasses all understanding.

I’ve been through some dark trials—depression, cancer, near-death from illness, a child who has suffered—and I can attest to this:

[Tweet “Our true source of strength must come from Jesus.”]

Leaning that heavily on another human only makes them feel suffocated.


What are you thoughts about how to find the right guy? What from this article will help you make a wise decision about the guy you choose to date?



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