I have a friend who is struggling and she keeps talking to me about how she is a loser and can’t do anything right. Now I have found myself thinking these same thoughts. How do I stop?
Courtney Werner (20something daughter) says:
We can create with our words, and our words begin with our thought life. If you are hanging around people who speak negatively, it is easy to begin to be in agreement with those words. Our thoughts and words are so powerful.
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Whenever I am going through a hard time and feel a bit discouraged, I often write down things I am thankful for! I read the Bible, fill my mind with truth, and start consciously speaking the opposite of what I was feeling.
For instance, if I was feeling unattractive, I would remind myself that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14) and speak it out until it hits my heart.
While I am unable to control what other people say or do, I am able to choose how I will respond.
Your friend might not believe the truth that she is amazing, but you can gently remind her when she begins to speak negative things about herself.
Don’t forget, your words are powerful!
Cherie Werner (mom) says:
Choosing friends is one of the most important choices you will ever make throughout your life because friends often become like one another, influencing each other positively or negatively. Choose wisely and remember it is a choice.
When choosing friends, remember I Corinthians 15:33: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
As a mother, my hope would be that you would consider talking to your mom about this issue as she is for you and desires your best. Sadly, your friend believes lies about herself, and you are now beginning to believe lies yourself.
Many years ago I had to re-program my negative thinking with truth. Freedom in Christ Ministries had this helpful handout, “What is Truth?“. I had to renew my mind with God’s truth.
Consider Romans 12:2:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I have listed below the 10 R’s for replacing a lie with the truth — renewing your mind.
I encourage you to share your concerns with your friend, in love. Speak truth and positive words into her life. If she is receptive, maybe you two can do a study on identity issues. However, if she is unreceptive to your concerns, you might need to part ways, as we become like those with whom we spend time. Consider who’s influencing who.
10 R’s for Replacing Lies with Truth
- Request that God would reveal lies in your life. Psalm 139:23
- Recognize lies in your life and their roots. John 16:13. Confess them to God. 1 John 1:9
- Repent, asking God to forgive you for believing a lie. Proverbs 28:13
- Release any offenders, as often, unknowingly, well-meaning people (parents, siblings, and friends) speak lies into your life. Colossians 3:13
- Relinquish the lie you believed. Proverbs 4:23
- Renew your mind daily. “I have no friends; no one likes me,” is a lie. “I am a friend of Jesus,” is truth. John 15:15
- Receive and believe God’s truth. John 8:32
- Rehearse new truth until it begins to penetrate both your heart and mind, becoming your new way of life. Psalm 86:11. I can remember a season in my life where I wrote out various verses about who I am in Christ. Every morning and before going to bed I would say these verses out loud (for a month) until I believed them.
- Reflect God’s truth to others. Mark 5:19
- Repeat steps as needed.
What steps do you need to take to shift from stinking thinking to living according to the truth?