I love this question! Why? Because the sincerity of the question being asked and the desire to do things God’s way. Assuming that many of you want to do the right thing, I’m going to start with the basics and spell it out step by step.
To begin with, modesty is not only the way we dress but also the way we carry ourselves. Let me offer an easy to understand analogy, in terms of food and restaurants. We all know there are different types, such as…
- Convenience Store (like a 7-11)
- Fast Food Joint (such as Mickey D’s)
- Chain Restaurant (think of Chili’s)
- Local Establishment (pick your favorite spot for lunch, that’s not a chain)
- Fine Restaurant (where you’ll get dressed up for dinner and be sure to put your napkin in your lap)
Well, modesty — in terms of what we wear, what we say, and how we carry our body — comes in different levels, too. The question is:
Do you want to communicate to others that you are a convenience store or a fine restaurant?
In God’s eyes, you are His precious daughter (Ephesians 1:5) . A jewel (Proverbs 31:10-31). Royalty (1 Peter 2:0). He sees you as the finest of restaurants and wants you treated exactly as such. Yet it is up to you how you package yourself. Clothing is your covering. It communicates how you value your inner package — your heart, your mind, your body. The way you dress and behave sends a message. What you believe about yourself and value is revealed in what you wear, whether or not you think so.
Clothing also communicates how you feel about other people, especially guys. If you are dressing in provocative ways (subtly or overtly), you reveal to the world around you what you think about yourself. You become a walking billboard that screams: I’m insecure! I want attention, especially from guys! I don’t respect you, my friend, because I want your man to notice me! I’m nothing more than a sex symbol!
You (and every other female on the planet) know that guys respond visually. That is how God made them. It is a blessing, especially as a wife soaks in the attention her husband for the rest of their life together. God designed us to be attracted to one another, but we do not have permission to exploit His design to stroke our own egos. When we reveal our package, either by showing too much skin or wearing too tight clothes, we will cause guys to notice and stumble. They need only a hint of what might be unwrapped to visualize the rest of it. Yes, they are required to show restraint and self-control. Yes, they are responsible for their behavior. But we, as their sisters in Christ, must show guys respect by not causing them to stumble (even if there is no evidence of such happening!).
Ladies, guys are our brothers until one becomes our husband. Keep this in mind and treat them as such. You wouldn’t parade your body in front of your little brother (or big), wanting to get their attention. Nor would you want your friend to do that to him!
I’ve given you the reasons why we need to consider how we dress (and carry ourselves), so now let me give you the how to do it God’s way. To begin with, memorize these verses:
1 Peter 3:3-5
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
Every time you look in the mirror, striving for beauty, first ask yourself:
- How is my spirit doing today?
- Is it gentle or am I angry and bitter?
- Is my hope in God?
- Am I living according to the Bible?
- Is Jesus the one I’m seeking to please?
If you need a better idea of what to do practically, consider these guidelines and also check out Pure Fashion, a website and ministry devoted to style and modesty. Remember, make sure your clothing reflects that of a fine restaurant!
Shirts & Dresses
- check the neckline to make sure it doesn’t reveal cleavage
- consider the the fabric, making sure it is not shear or too thin to reveal your bra
- make sure the shirt is not too tight, meaning is shouldn’t be pulling across your chest and the outline of your bra shouldn’t be seen in front or back
- spaghetti straps may be in, but they are not considered modest, so keep it as beach attire, or carry a sweater and shrug for other locations, especially church and school
- make sure your bra straps are hidden by using a strapless bra or a different top
Pants & Shorts & Skirts & Dresses
- simply put, not so tight that you could see the panty line or have to lie on a bed to zip them up
- not so short that you can see where your thigh meets your torso
- consider the risk of lowrise shorts and pants — when you sit or bend, everyone else gets a full view of a not very pretty sight — so wear a longer shirt to cover when you sit or use a camisole under your shirt tucked in or over
- be sure to wear a slip with a skirt, for two reasons: to prevent seeing through a lighter weight or colored material and to keep the skirt from clinging and riding up when you walk
I’m sure this gives you a good starting point. Take a Saturday afternoon to go through your closet with a friend. Try on everything and see how it lines up to the Pure Fashion guidelines. Throw out everything that breaks the rules! Yes, toss it so that no one else will wear it around your “brothers”! Keep everything that works. Consider layers to save some of your favs, as long as you won’t be tempted to wear them alone again!
If you are really enjoying this whole modesty idea, invests a few more minutes and Take the Modesty Survey at the Rebelution! You can also check out the “Is this Modest?” blog daily for their thoughts about the subject!
