Collision of Grace

She could have been my daughter.

Twenty-one years ago, it was more than conceivable for me to birth a baby girl.

Except it wasn’t a part of God’s plan for my life.

Instead of birth and new life, my course was set to experience a spiraling pit of emotional death as I sought out love in every wrong places.  Left empty, alone, and ashamed, I knocked on heart-shaped doors only to come up lost.

Until I was found.

Rescued by a Savior.

And brought into an understanding of my sin and need for redemption by a man who led me to the cross, as he humbly made his way there himself.

***

By God’s grace, my first born child arrived after my salvation, after emancipation from my parents, after wedlock.  Leah Grace paved open the doors to motherhood, debuting late but joyfully loud.  She’s still that girl twelve years later.  Tight on her heels, Abby Joy introduced our lives to the concept of perseverance and determination.  She’s as driven as her momma, but with her daddy’s servant heart.

We thought we were done, with this conception to reality experience known as parenthood.  We were comfortable with man-on-man defense and appreciated getting a handle on the game.  Until, God changed it all.  Four years later, we were forced into zone playing, as the Lord doubled our quiver with a beautiful duo, Luke and Kaitlyn. The world would like us to believe double is trouble. Oh, no.  Double is delightful, offering blessings found even in sleepless nights, tickle fights, and warm shmushy kisses on both cheeks at the same time.

Once again.  We were done.  Or so we thought.

But the Lord had a special place carved in our hearts that was beyond our understanding.  

Maybe the space was for my should-have-been-but-never-was-ony-because-of-his-grace.  

***

Our son actually met her first. Climbing into her lap one Sunday school morning, a weepy little boy wanting his momma.  Only she would do. It was love at first site, and you can see it in their eyes each time they embrace.

God’s plans were working out before us, regardless of our participation.  That’s who God is.  A father whose got it all worked out for His kids.

A few months later, this bubbly blonde showed up at our home with a group of our favorite babysitters, and after a very quick introduction, we left for our usual weekly date night.  Hmm.  Maybe we should have been more responsible.

But that wasn’t His timing either.

A few months later, God made our move toward her through an announcement in chapel that wrecked my heart.

Her father had died.  She was now an orphan, officially.

My heart sank.  The body was asked for to pray for Megan and her brother, Patrick.

Gasp.

Lord, this can’t be!

See, one of my college roommate’s name was Megan, and she lost both her parents before she graduated from high school.  And she had a brother named Patrick, too.

Oh, Lord, what can we do for this precious girl of yours?

Service went on.  My heart lingered.  Lost in sadness.  Lost in the loss.

After lunch, I saw Megan crossing the lawn, and without thinking I went straight to her, leaving my family behind.  With tears streaming down my face, I shared the story of my roommate.

“Megan, it will be okay.  God will provide for you.  He provided for my friend.  He’ll provide for you and your brother.”

Months passed and we got word that Megan was looking for a place to stay over the summer.  We jumped at the opportunity, but she turned it down to stay with another faculty member.  Yet it was not a rejection of us, but just the beginning.  That summer, Megan and I spent hours painting our new home together, sharing our life stories, pouring out pain and paint as we revealed the trouble in our parallel universe. As we locked up one night, Megan casually joked that maybe she could move into our basement.

Absolutely not.

She would have the room made for her, especially, upstairs.  In God’s timing, our landlord previously decided to turn two connected bedrooms into two separate bedrooms along with a hallway.  We had one extra bedroom that the Lord had set up in advance!

Who says God isn’t the most perfect provider?

That summer, Megan moved into our home and became a part of our family.

Today, our Megan, as we like to call her,  graduated from college, nearly four years after we first met her.  My husband and I sat in her parents seats.  There is nothing more humbling than to fill the shoes of another, knowing you’re only there by God’s grace and divine appointment.

We like to call her OURS, but really she is HIS.  We do not deserve her love.  Nor have we earned it.   She’s not ours because we asked or prayed or waited or worried.  Yet by God’s grace, He gave us Megan to love, because she is loved by Him, and so are we.

It is a collision of grace.

God gave her to our family.  God gave our family to her, and to her brother, too. It is not always easy, as you can imagine.  Our love is misunderstood.  Her love is tender and sometimes equally hard to read.  We have to flex and bend and adjust to the challenges of that come with melding a family together, even under the healing balm of Christ. Being a family isn’t always neat and tidy, but from the Lord’s perspective, it is always stunning.  We are learning how to sacrifice for one another and to make an authentic commitment of the heart while traveling an unfamiliar road.

But because of the leading of the Holy Spirit and the work of our Savior, we find ourselves able and equipped by the grace of God to love and serve each other.

We also see His purposes working out in our life together. 

In our collision of grace. 

Happy Mother’s Day

…to each of you who have been impacted by a collision of grace…

…a collision brought on by birth or by the unexpected…