When Girls Chase Boys, What’s a Parent to Do?

It is my delight to introduce you to a guest contributor today, Kathleen O’Donnel Grone.  I invited Kathleen to share a bit from a purity series she has written at her blog, The Joyful Servant, which speaks especially to our moms.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love,
and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2: 22

Increasingly, girls are aggressively pursuing boys—in high school, middle school, and even earlier—in numbers we never saw in the past. The rules have changed, and many parents are asking for help in how to protect their young sons. This shift has caught them by surprise, and they don’t know what to do. (Read more about this at Family Life.)  Parents are discovering that we have a huge problem with role reversal – our daughters chasing boys, instead of letting the boy chase them.

We have it backwards! What girls need to realize is that males are the natural pursuer in a relationship. This has been scientifically proven. Guys look for girls with certain traits that appeal to them and when they find it, they want the girl and go after her. Call it primitive, but it is in their chemical makeup. Girls are created to respond either negatively or positively. When things don’t move along in the proper order, often times something in the spirit breaks for both people.

Our sons and daughters must be taught, first at home by, hopefully, a father and a mother or a strong parent figure if there is an absent parent(s) (grandparent, aunt or uncles, etc.). Our churches, schools and clubs do not have the power or authority that parents have to teach a child what is right. In the end, it comes down to our sons and daughters making right choices. But in order for them to know the difference, we need to teach them what is appropriate and true. This teaching should start around the age of eight, regardless of whether or not the boy or girl is chasing the opposite sex on the playground.

Point (train, teach) your kids in the right direction—
when they’re old they won’t be lost.
Proverbs 22:6

When a girl pursues a boy, she’ll most likely find herself wondering several things if she does “catch” him:

1. Why doesn’t he respect me?
2. Why is he only interested in me physically and not emotionally?
3. Why didn’t the relationship work out?

Girls need to understand that when they chase and catch a guy, they are losing out on what God has for them in the relationship. Chasing a guy does not make you more liberated or more desirable. What it does, is make the guy look at you with a different mindset.  What girls need to understand is that when they pursue boys this throws the guys off track and they start to think, but not logically:

1. Wow, I can have as many girls as I want!
2. I don’t have to work for them, they just come to me.
3. I don’t need to win them.
4. Why respect them if they don’t respect themselves and
5. What can she do for me, instead of what can I do for her.

It really makes guys think disrespectfully and selfishly, although they may not realize it. They may feel flattered but flattery kills and destroys.

A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
Proverbs 26:28

We expect our sons to go around chasing girls, and that is a good thing, when done with a good heart. It is what they are supposed to do, naturally. We are to teach our sons to look for women of virtue, women that will make a good life partner, a friend and lover as well as a good mother. We should also be teaching them to wait until marriage to consummate the relationship.

So how does a guy handle a girl who is chasing him without hurting her? I have asked several men of various ages, since there is very little on the internet — And first response should be “with kind and godly manners!”

Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

We need to bring manners and morals back into our homes and into society.

“If you want to know what God wants,
go back to the Book of Beginnings.
We too often try to match the Bible to our culture
instead of our culture to our Bible.”
Apostle Timothy Stuen

It’s time to get back to the natural order of things. The wonderful truth is that God does know exactly what will make our children happy, especially when it comes to relationships, but we must be single minded and teach our children to be single minded. This means we must put God first, which by God’s grace will lead to a pure heart, a pure mind, and orderliness. Nothing is more powerful than God’s natural order.

Moms, how do you teach your children about the natural order of things?

If you are looking for the confidence to speak into your children’s life with the truth, consider purchasing Impact My Life: Biblical Mentoring Simplified from Amazon, or in PDF form here.  It is filled with encouragement to help you grow in your faith and to take on the biblical mentoring role your children need you to fill.

We also recommend downloading our free resource, Dating & Relationships, which will help you navigate through this issue with your children, especially your teens.

Kathleen is the wife of Larry, the mother of four grown children and the grandmother of two angels.  She has a degree in Social Science Secondary Education and is a licensed pastor.  Besides teaching she has worked in hospice, pastoral care and ran a christian camp and retreat center with her husband for many years. Kathleen’s life has been a very interesting journey and now with the kids grown, she is on a consummate journey to explore new escapades filled with fun, laughter, adventure and learning, all while serving her Heavenly Father.  You can meet up with Kathleen at The Joyful Servant http://thejoyfulservant.com