Real Question: Can I Really Talk to My Parents?

I was a ticking time bomb as a teen.

I was and always have been an external processor. I need to talk through my thoughts, with God and with other people.

As a teen, I struggled to talk to my parents. Therefore, I bottled it up tight. I stuffed so much inside that at any moment I could explode.

As a teenager I often felt alone. I felt like I had no one to talk to outside of my friends. Friends helped, but if I was really honest,  I craved being able to talk through my struggles, ideas, and friend issues with someone.I craved a mentoring relationship with an older adult.

But the question is who to talk to?

Many teens wonder whether their parents truly are that “safe place” they claim to be. As a teen, I convinced myself that my parents weren’t that safe place.

It is not uncommon for teens to question what they can or cannot comfortably talk to their parents about. Previous experiences of parents overreacting may make you shy away from going back to ask more. Unwanted punishments may keep you from being completely honest about that sticky situation you got yourself into last Friday night. The truth is, we all worry our parents will expose our sin.

None of us like our sin being exposed, especially by those closest to us. Often times our parents are the people who have been the ones to shed light on our sin over the years. They’ve pointed out when we are impatient, give a slight attitude, or neglect our responsibilities. They don’t shy away from correcting us. Therefore, we often put up subconscious walls with our parents to protect ourselves from having our sin exposed.

Although it’s never fun to be corrected, we must remember that the Lord promises us that our sin will be uncovered no matter what. He wants us to walk in the light, not in the darkness. Therefore, our sin will be come to light eventually. All Christians have been granted the beautiful grace of God. It is poured over our sin and makes us a white as snow. When we harbor sins within, and we don’t expose them to the Lord and others, we allow for the enemy of this life to come and feed that sin. We leave ourselves open for attack. We allow for sin to fester and grow.

If we truly desire growth in our relationship with the Lord, and with other people (our parents included), we must not hesitate to have our sin revealed. We must welcome people into the process of seeking grace and finding forgiveness. Parents are often fantastic mentors to help with this process. You may even find, that when you go to your parents with your sin (instead of having it exposed by the principal or your friend’s mom), your parents are gracious and willing to help you grow through it.

Here are some tips for opening up communication with your parents:

1.  Ask the Lord to reframe in your mind how you see your parents.
   Remember that your parents only want the best for you. Although their punishments may not be wanted, they may be warranted. Realize that discipline isn’t a bad thing; it builds character and helps us grow closer to the Lord and others.
2. Begin by starting small.
   Begin to open up the lines of communication with your parents slowly. Talk to them about school, friendships, sports, whatever is comfortable, and begin to rebuild what may be a strained relationship. They want to talk to you just as much as you want to talk to them; they may just be gun-shy after having been ‘shot-down’ for so long.
3. Get rid of distractions.
   A lot of times we are tied to the computer, TV, or our cell phones. Communication doesn’t happen there. Yes, we connect with people, but true communication doesn’t occur. Those in-real-life conversations are what you and your parents both need. Don’t try to have an important conversation with your parents through text messages. Put away the device and look your parents in the eye.
4. Do something together.
   A lot of times the busyness of life can distract our parents when we want to have a conversation with them. Instead of fighting for their attention as they make dinner or chase around your little brother or sister, ask your parent to go for a walk or to go out for ice cream with you.
5. Write your parents a letter.
   When I was a teen, a lot of times I struggled with starting the conversation with my parents. A way I got around it, and opened up the line of communication was through a letter. My parents would often come to me to talk afterwards, but a letter helped open up that dialogue. This may be a comfortable way for you to start.