The Gift of Grey Hairs

Over the last few weeks, I’ve found myself unintentionally leaning further and further into the mirror wondering:

What on earth is going on with these multiplying grey hairs?

Ever since we moved, I seem to be greying a whole lot faster (ahem, yes, maybe stress). Or is it that the all-too-expensive salon color is sticking less and less? Well, I just found out from my newest hair dresser that the problem may be in my well water, leaving mineral deposits in my hair that need to be “clarified” in order for the color to stick. Ah-ha. Now that we might have identified a problem, we can finally figure out a solution. Isn’t that a parallel to our life of faith?

Sometimes we just need clarification in order for the Truth to stick.

Of course, in this matter of my own grey hairs, I was the only one who could see them until my hairdresser dove in and recognized the problem. Until that moment, I was the only one worried about them. And I was the only one who thought I needed to do something about them.

Ironically, that’s exactly how I feel about the grey hairs in my midst — not my grey hairs but the ones present in the sea of women before me . . .

• the ones raising their hands in worship at Bible Study and the ones ‘fessing up their hearts in our group discussion
• the ones writing and speaking heart-felt messages of God’s work at the conferences I’ve attended recently
• the ones sitting next to me in some seriously life-changing workshops
• the ones sitting before me as I lead seminars on life change and relationships . . . oh how I give thanks to the Lord for their nods of agreement and pray I share half the wisdom they must have
• the ones stopping by my book table in a busy vendor hall, looking for hope and sharing a word of encouragement too
• the ones emailing me about personal matters and reaching out for life coaching

I can’t help but notice the shades of silvery hair and well-worn wrinkles in the lives of the real women before me.

Every place I turn, I notice the generations . . . and the divide . . . with more and more clarity. Like never before, I crave connection with the generation that has gone before me.

[Tweet “I want the wisdom of those with grey hairs to speak slow words into my fast paced life.”]

I want their soul stories to wrap my heart in hope for the days to come.

I want their faith, built strong through suffering long, to ignite mine afresh. I want to hear where they’ve been, but only because they’ve already survived, learned, and grown over the passing of many, many days.

These precious grey hairs are hard to come by in a world that communicates through blogs, Instagram posts, and 140 character tweets. They don’t know how to immerse into a space so surfacey at times, so chopped up and cut off. I fear that insecurity and isolation hold back the wise amongst us from reaching into our lives, while this younger generation of women grow hungry for mentors.

Our world doesn’t extend an invitation to the tech illiterate even if their wisdom is worth hearing.

It’s the bold and fearless grey hairs that cross the divide, and I’ve been blessed to be in the presence of many over the last month. Like the Consillium Ladies, a Facebook group of women over 50, who are rallying together and bursting forth, especially as they graced the days of Allume with their beautiful smiles and warm hearts. Of course, you wouldn’t know they are part of the “grey hair club” because the brightness of their countenance outshines any color on their heads.

There was the wise and beautiful Esther Burroughs, who concluded Allume with a Holy Spirit led crescendo, calling us to rise up and change the world through walking in step with the One Who Changes Hearts. She was brilliant in all her humility and a soothing balm to an aching soul.

At the Iron Sharpens Iron conference, I had the privilege of bowing my head in prayer with Karen Abercrombie, who not only plays the prayer warrior Clara in War Room, but is most definitely a dynamic prayer warrior even at half of Clara’s age. I was truly humbled to be under the teaching of Cynthia Heald, who delivered a powerful message on connecting with God and in the Word each day. To think my faith was first shaped by her wise words more than 20 years ago, in the very first Bible study I ever did as a new Christian. What a privilege to sit next to my oldest daughter as we listened to her describe the importance of meeting with the Lord each day and being steeped in the Word. Of course,  the whole reason I was asked to speak was through the mentorship and incredible support of Lucinda Secrest McDowell . . . that woman lives out daily the encouraging words she shares in her books and messages.

Oh my, I’m in awe over these beautiful grey hairs, these radiant wise women who are bold enough to pick up a microphone or type out a message that communicates God’s clarifying truths.

Do you realize that these wise grey-haired women are going against a cultural trend?

Have you noticed how the younger generation — let’s say those of us under 45 — prefer to be ministered to by a “reality TV” type of message? It seems we feel more comfortable hearing confessions about each other’s messes, as we dwell together in messy harmony, instead of receiving the rebuke we need to make a lasting, legacy change.

What would it look like to buck this “must tell the mess” trend and come under the wisdom of teachers who have lived decades longer than us?

[Tweet “Oh how I ache for the voices of the wise to be the loudest in my ears and the boldest on my screen.”]

My dear friend Emily says I’ve been this way for as long as she’s known me. I think she’s right. I want to learn from those who’ve gone before and not make the same mistakes. I don’t want to reinvent the wheel. And yet, as much as I want to be taught, am I really teachable? As much as I want to listen, am I positioning myself to hear? As much as I want the wisdom of the grey hairs, am I making a place for them in my tech-drenched, fast-paced life?

[Tweet “Let me ask you, as a culture, are we extending an invitation for the wise to speak to our hearts?”]

Are we open to their perspective of life lived differently twenty or thirty years ago? Is the technological divide keeping them silent? Do their fashion styles cause us to question their relevancy?

I’m certain that in my effort to understand why I seemed to be greying so fast, God opened my eyes to see all the grey hairs around me like never before. He gave me a Spirit-filled clarifying treatment. And now, my friends, I can’t turn back. I want my life surrounded by grey hairs, even as I am becoming one of them.

That’s not to say I don’t value the contribution of young women who have been given the gift of wisdom. I most certainly do, or else I wouldn’t have handed my 16-year-old daughter the microphone during the session I was leading on dating and relationships. The response to her carefully chosen, Holy Spirit-given words confirms that we don’t need to be grey-haired to be wise — we need to be yielded to the One who gives wisdom.

And yet, there is something about those grey hairs.

I want to make a place at my table, in my home, at our conferences, and online, for the grey hairs to come as they are to speak into our lives. I want to be intentional about reaching out toward the older generation and making a place for them to connect with the younger one . . . oh how neat to see my own daughter enjoy the wisdom spoken over her by women 30 and more years older than her.

I really do want to create a space, a community, in which we can embrace life together. Maybe that’s what God’s going to do right here at More to Be. Maybe it’s meant to happen at Kingdom Hearts. I don’t know exactly what this looks like, but I’m excited about this stirring the Lord has done in my heart and I’m curious how you feel about it, too.

Do you crave the wisdom of the grey hairs?

What do you think this looks like, practically speaking?

How can we make a place for tech-free, grey hairs to be immersed in our everyday lives?

Will you seek the Lord with me for direction on how to treasure the gift of grey hairs?