It is my great honor to have author and speaker, Annie Chapman, share with us her story of overcoming abuse. I was able to actually hear this story during a Christian marriage conference earlier this summer, and Annie captured the audience with not only her candid retelling but in focusing on the Biblical truths that make healing entirely possible. I encourage you to think on Annie’s words and receive them with all the grace and truth she offers.
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One day as I was sorting through dozens of old photo albums (mine, as well as those I had inherited from my mom) I came across a 3×3, black and white photo of a little girl, age five years old.
Thankfully, my mother was faithful to write the name, date and event on the back of her pictures. So, as I turned the little faded snapshot around I read, “Taken on the way to school, the first day Anne went.”
For some reason, that hand-written memo seemed a little strange to me. Why didn’t it say, “Anne’s first day of school?” As I looked closer at the date the picture was taken, I understood.
The notation on the picture was accurate. The photo was not taken the first day of school. I had missed the first two weeks of my first grade because I was a witness in a trial proceeding. A predatory pedophile had raped an innocent five year old little girl…me.
As I studied the picture, I began to remember the events of those trying days. I recalled how embarrassed I was. In some ways the trial felt every bit as traumatic as the crime. I hated that it was so public. The little girl in the picture had been subjected to testifying before a courtroom full of stone-faced strangers. She was required to say words she thought were dirty and she had to describe acts she didn’t understand.
The abuse continued as the little girl in the picture faced the evil injustice of a judge who seemed to sympathize more with the perpetrator than he did with the victim. “She’s young, she’ll forget this,” he assured the court. Why the dismissive attitude toward such a heinous crime against a child? Who knows…but for years I wondered what the judge might have been doing in his spare time.
It was the judge who told my parents to take me home and not talk about what had happened. “Let her forget; don’t mention it any more,” was his unwise advice. Of course, all the suggested silence did was add the destructive feelings of shame and secrecy to the damage already done.
Now, fifty plus years later, in my upstairs room, I stood face to face with my past as I looked at the little girl in the picture. Without saying a word to Steve, I put the snapshot in my purse and immediately drove to a photo center to get an enlargement made. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and I hoped to get a better look at the child’s eyes so maybe I could see what was going on in her soul.
Alone that afternoon with the enlarged picture of the little girl, I sat for a while and gazed at her sweet face. I was overcome with emotion, but not the emotions I had grappled with in the past such as hatred for the offender, resentment against the judge, nor sympathy for the pain my parents suffered for trying to do the right thing by pressing charges.
Instead, I had only one overwhelming emotion that day. Compassion. I held the picture of the little girl in my hand….and I talked to her.
Little girl, I know you. In fact, I used to be you…but I’m not you any more. Sweet child, you are so young and innocent. There’s something you need to understand, none of this was your fault. Little one, I have such deep compassion for you. I am terribly sorry for what happened. But, little girl, you are going to be just fine. You’re going to have a beautiful life. You’ll see. God has wonderful things planned for you. Don’t worry. Jesus is going to heal your wounded soul; He’s going to help you forgive what you think is unforgiveable.
I dare say, many of us have a “3×3 picture” in a drawer, in an old box, or maybe just in our thoughts. Sadly, it reminds us of hurts as well as failures experienced in our past. But the good news is we don’t have to live the rest of our lives as a wounded child. We really can grow up, and, through the healing touch of Christ we can grow beyond the hurt.
I can testify that Psalm 103:13 is true. God really does “have compassion on his children… on those who fear him; for He knows how we are formed, He knows we are but dust.” It was His compassionate touch that healed me and in turn enabled me to show compassion as an adult to the little girl in the picture. (If you need healing from a childhood experience, I explain in detail how I gained God’s peace in my book, “Overcoming Negative Emotions.”)
The healing that God provided was sufficient to allow me to feel sorrow not just for victims but also victimizers. If you have wounded someone, God’s love is so great that He also has compassion for you. I pray you’ll seek His forgiveness. If you will, you’ll learn of the joy waiting for you in Psalm 103:11, 12 that says, “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
To me, the little girl in the picture no longer represents damage, but instead, redemption. I long for others to know the same lasting recovery. You’ve suffered long enough. Let the healing begin.
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About Annie Chapman
Having a wealth of insight into the challenges of being a wife and mother, Annie Chapman brings to the platform an ability to encourage and motivate women of all ages. Her topics, ranging from understanding how to gain a balance in the varied roles of womanhood to knowing how to gain control over anger, Annie’s wisdom will carry the listener to new levels of success in life. Using solid biblical teaching, personal experience, and heart-warming music, Annie’s presentation is refreshing to the soul and a blessing to the spirit. Visit Annie at http://www.steveandanniechapman.com/
